Saturday, October 21, 2017

Your souls are connected, sure-- but that doesn't mean it's meant to be in this life.

I don't remember writing that post omg.

This is why I've been SEVEN WHOLE DAYZ without booze ✌🏻 your bitch got faaaaaat man.



ANYWAY


You don't miss him. You miss the memories.

You miss the love story that wasn't real, and you miss feeling like you had someone.

But even if you were with him, you'd feel alone. Even if you were with him, those memories wouldn't be anymore tangible; they'd still be memories.

If you were with him you'd be doing nothing and going no where. You'd be angry and sad and hurt.
Which you already are but at least it's YOURSELF who's making you angry and sad and hurt... not someone else.

You want different things. He's boring and dramatic, stupid, and has no control. He makes you feel guilty for everything and has zero interests other than like... watching hockey here and there.

He's a child and will always be a child, and isn't that the main reason you decided to leave? Because you don't want children? Why the fuck would you go back to one?

Duh.

Trust me, it's better this way. Loneliness sucks, but you're gonna have it regardless, and his company is not worth having.

Silly girl, trying to convince yourself that things might be different after a year... you're hilarious.

Look at how far you've come!! You're almost solid again! Not faded in the distance; a soul without a name. I can see you.

There are all these signs telling you about the abundance destined for you. You've got stars shooting for you and clovers sprouting four leaves; you had a swarm of lady bugs last week, and a flock of robins this week.

Fuck, even the spooky, "spin-the-wheel" toy at Shoppers landed on "your luck has changed for the better"
Mom got, "no one can help you now" LOL

So don't fight it. Let what's coming come. Breathe. Be present. Breathe. Be calm. Breathe. And just... be.

♥︎,

 Mint.

Friday, October 13, 2017

Hi there,

I'm looking for cocaine, love (or death- preferably death), and lipo; can I get any hookups?

Thanks doll 💋


I'm screamin' Wilson.

Friday, July 7, 2017

*kisses*

I might buy a car todaaaaaaaaaaay!

And there's one view on my video LOL but now that it's out there, I'm getting kinda settled with the idea. You know like when you go into a lake and it's FREEZING and you're breathing in out out all heavy like "FUCK THIS SHIT COLD", but then you slowly get used to it, and get comfortable? You know that feel? That's how I'm feeling about it, so that's cooooool.

I finished my mom's painting finally the other day too. It's sick because it's GIANT.

I have nothing else to say reallyyyyy

Good morningz I guess! 😽💕

♥︎,

Mint.

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

AHHH

SO

I'VE ALWAYS DREAMT OF BEING A SINGER.

LIKE THAT'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED TO BE EVER.

BUT
I'VE ALWAYS BEEN SCARED
BECAUSE I HATE ME

BUT TODAY
I DRANK (STILL COUNTS)
AND I SANG
AND RECORDED
ONCE OR TWICE TO FIGURE OUT WHICH SONG I WANTED TO UPLOAD AND BOOM

IT'S THERE

THE INTERNET CAN SEE IT

MY COVER.

YAYO BY LANA

I'M NERVOUS LMAO

I HATE PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE.

BUT I SHOULD LEARN TO.

WAH.

Anger and Sadness

I'm sad today because I've been trying to get a handful of small tattoos for months now.

I usually get Sundays/Mondays or Sundays/Wednesdays off at work; and the parlour I go to is closed Sunday/Monday.

Shit's been busy, shit's been happening, but today, July 5th (the day I left Etown last year), everything was set.

I got my body all fresh and clean, I got an outfit that made me look NOT like a "super white girl", I looked through 100 types of font and typed each word into each chosen font (three words).

I went through the possibilities, discussed it, rearranged it using my graphic design software, phoned the parlour to see if they'd be able to take me (anxiety filled)... LIKE SHIT WAS PREPARED.

My mom (my ride), was finally ready and we get goin'.

This is already risky; Asking my mom for anything is risky because she's more insane than I am (she's lived longer).

Everything was alright though... like I could deal with it.

But then she needed to shower. I went out to smoke. Apparently she was banging and yelling for me because she forgot her razor and mine was on the counter (she didn't know)... so when she got out she was straight cranky.

She was already cranky because she spent a gazillion hours making phone calls about some pub shit and it had set the scene.

When we pulled out of the driveway shit got worse because our neighbours moved her garbage cans (she leaves them in front of our house so they don't park in front of it- it bothers her I guess).

So yeah... that happened. She was pissed. Driving like a maniac. I'm scared as fuck. Makes her more angry because I "don't trust her". Yet I've been in just a FEW car accidents.... damn.

Anyway. I ask her (before she even left the driveway actually) if we could stop, and go home. Because this isn't fun. I don't want to get ink injected into me for life with a cranky ass motherfucker, ya feel? Like those are bad vibes.

So I'm beggin' and beggin' and beggin' and she finally turns around and it's the scariest 5 mins of my life.

Fuck, I'm so sad and angry. I've waited sooooo fucking long.
I prepped today sooooo fucking hard.
I was soooo fucking excited.

I was also supposed to hang out with my ex-sorority friend A tonight, and she cancelled for like the third week in a row.

Everyone makes plans with me (they text first) and then something clears in their mind and they cancel or just don't text me... or reply.

I'm so lonely.

I wish I didn't pass out last week. I wish I got those pills. I wish I was fucking gone.

- Mint.

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Gilded Guns


Here it is

I'm drunk
I'm drunk
I'm drunk

I made a sugar baby profile like a week or so ago.
I had sex with a dude close to my age for a hunnit and a pack of smokes.
I met a speed freak daddy that I'm in love with who doesn't want to love me and it's sad.
I tried to kill myself on Sunday but I passed out before I could finish ordering the pills.
I realized I'm bad at being alone lol
My big brother was supposed to babysit me while mom was gone... he lasted a total of two day; he's my dad, I swear to god...

Today was shit, and I wanted to kill myself more than before.
But by the end of work something changed and I didn't hate everything so much, so I'm still here.

I just remade my sugar baby account after deleting it half a week ago.

I realized this:

"I don't give a damn about life
I can have hopes and dreams but it doesn't mean I want to wake up tomorrow

Nothing means anything to me"

So judge me
Judge me, I beg you.

Because the only reason I'm doing things is so I don't kill my goddamn self.
Anything I'm doing, it's so I don't kill myself.
There are moments where I don't get why I'm still going, what am I going for?

Legit.

So please, I know what I do isn't like... cool or fun or whatever the fuck.
It's just stuff to distract myself from the fact that death goddamn exists.
Give me a goddamn break.
Nothing matters.

Nothing is real.

Wanna read my finally finished poem? I finished it yesterday? Was it yesterday? idk...

I'll post it.
I want a gun tattoo because of it.

I held a gun earlier this week. I wanted to ask speed daddy how much, but I didn't. He wiped my fingerprints clean.
It's definitely heavier than I thought; I had to force myself not to shove that barrel in my fucking mouth; had to take the second best barrel option...

- Mint.