What the fuck is wrong with me?

binge.

Bleh.

131.3 this morning.

I thought I'd gain at least a pound by eating something, so I guess this is okay... But still. A gain is a gain.

I will be in the 120s soon though!

"Cross my heart and kiss my elbow!"

Had a nice chat with my mom last night. Told her again how worried I am about gaining all the weight back over Christmas. She said, "Oh Mint, you don't eat that much. What's a little extra over the holidays?"

I said, "Mom. You don't listen to me! You don't notice how much I can eat! We make all these goodies that I love so so much and I eat them. ALL! You and everyone else have maybe one or two. YOU GUYS THINK YOU'RE EATING IT ALL BUT YOU AREN'T EATING ANYTHING! It's me that eats it! All of it!"

She's like, "Oh, that can't be trueee..."

I'm like, "Remember who ate all the baklava last year? And the butter tarts? And then we got some more, right? WHO ATE ALL OF THAT? I did! Remember when our dog died and I told you I ate TWO pizzas and cake and cinna-sticks, and garlic bread? WELL I ACTUALLY DID."

She's like, "Really?! I thought... I thought you were over exaggerating..."

No, mom. I can actually eat three elephants in one sitting...

So, she said that she won't pressure me to eat anything. Her exact words actually were:

Just don't eat anything.

LOL so that's what I'll try to do :) I will have a little bit though, and I will gain... but knowing that I won't get in trouble for making so much food but not eating it will really help.

I hate food. It's a terrible drug...

Think thin!

♥, Mint.

Question.

Why is it that everyone on this planet is skinnier than me?

why?

Finals.

131.1

Meh. Not bad, especially since I barely left my desk yesterday.

Astronomy final later todaaaaaay, yaaaaaaay! Not.

Today I break my fast by eating that salad. Ugh, I don't want to. But I know I need some food. :/

THEN, after that it's a two day fast then another salad, and then a five day fast then a salad and then a one day fast and I'm home.

I will be in the 120's by then, oh yes I will!

Still super scared for the holidays though, food wise of course :/

WHATEVER

Think thin!

♥, Mint.

:)

131.8!

-1 lb! Yaaaay! I'm right on track!

Fasting seriously is the best way to lose weight, I swear to god.

"hunger hurts, but starving works"

Last night I was laying in bed (because I can't sleep at all lately) and I was thinking about the salad I'm supposed to have tomorrow after my final.

I don't really want it anymore. Especially not the hard-boiled egg I was thinking of adding to it for "necessary protein". And because the juice I had yesterday picked me RIGHT up, I don't think I'll have the egg.

SCREW THE EGG, I WANT THIN.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and reaching your goals :)

Think thin!

♥, Mint.

Woo!

Hello!

I'm 132.8 this morning! :D That's a new LW since making this blog!

I woke up feeling soooo crappy and sick and shaky and just not good, so I bought an orange juice.

Liquids are my friend...

I'm getting so so soooo close to the 120s! >.< I want it so bad!

I've been filling my brain with thinspo like crazy lately. I want to be beautiful, I want to be a model, a ballerina, I want to be loved and adored.

Ugh, I want too much, I'm such a cow...

Anyway, think thin lovelies!

♥, Mint.

"The Dip"

I thought I had this because I was fat...

Does this mean. I'll never. Be pretty?

;n;

HeyHey

Hello my skinny bitches~

Today marks day four of my fast.

I know I started late (December first), but I'm doing it now and that's all that matters.

I've also decided to have a salad after each final (sorry but I need brain food), and then a salad on the 12th, 14th, and 16th before I go home, just so I don't balloon up so easily and so my mom doesn't think I'm dead lol.

Right now I'm at 134.4, yes, now you finally know my CW once again. I'm sorry T_T

I should be almost at 120 by now but shit happens I guess? :(

Why I'm excited though is that I'm FIVE pounds away from the 120s. ONLY FIVE. I'm so close again, I can taste it.

My goal before flying home is 128, Anne Hathaway's weight (we're the same height).

I know I'll gain over the holidays, but I'm freaking out because I really don't want to. I don't want food, I just want thin.

We'll see how it goes I goes...

Think thin!

♥, Mint.

Christmas Plan.

Hurray for two posts in one day!

So I've been really stressing about going home for Christmas. My mom's Italian so Christmas is all about food. Funny thing is, no one eats it... but me.

And because I've eaten it in the past, there's always pressure to eat like that again.

SOOOO, I've devised a two step plan:

1. Pre-Christmas Prep: from today all the way to the 17th (when I fly home), I will fast. Maybe not the best decision before exams, but we'll just see how it goes. Alterations may be made!
2. Christmas: the tricky part of the plan, obviously... My idea is to chew-spit a lot. Like, take a butter tart, begin "eating it" and then halfway through, leave the room to get something, and spit/throw the rest out. Another plan is whenever my mom is not near me, throw out a bunch of food/dirty some plates, and then BAM I'm sooooo full!

The only problem is that I always feel soooo bad throwing away my mom's home cooked foods! But, whatever. If I had smartened up earlier this year I'd already be skinny and none of this would be a problem...

HOPEFULLY this idea works! Any other holiday tips I need to know? It'd be greatly appreciated!

Think thin~

♥, Mint.

Re-cap.

Woke up on day 2 being 3 pounds lighter. Good, good.

Later on in day 2 I got a "care package" from my mom. Binged, and threw the rest out except for some raisins that she sent.

Woke up day 3 down only 0.2 lbs but I figured that's still good for binging.

Later on in day 3 I binged/chew spat all the raisins -.- but now all the food is gone, thank god.

Today (day 4), I woke up down 1.5 pounds. Since all the food is gone, I have a full weekend of starvation, yay!

Think thinnnnn!

♥, Mint.

Day One.

complete :3

ifuckinghateyouifuckinghateyouifuckinghateyou.

Dear Fat Pathetic Bitch,

You are not going to eat for an entire week because you deserve to die.

That is all.

♥, Someone who's fucking fed up with you.

Vegan.

Hellooooo~~~

FUN FACT: eating less than 200 cals gains you 0.2 lbs. However, binging on chocolate, candy, noodles, and muffins (well over 1,200 cal) gains you 0.1 lbs.

T_T what the hell.

lol whatever, I'm happy, it's given me a "sign". If I go vegan, I won't physically be allowed chocolate! Or anything overly fatty/sugary.

I'm excited :)

I've been vegetarian for 6 years so I should in theory be able to do it!

I'll start by doing it healthily just so I can get into the swing of it. And then restrict from there.

I'll have one protein, one carb, one fruit, and at least serving of vegetables a day. If I do it right I should be able to keep it under 500 cal naturally.

I'll also have a calcium rich food (probably soy milk) every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

Christmas I won't be vegan (it just wouldn't be possible lol), and going out to restaurants I won't make a major deal of it.

Oh gee I'm so excited! :) Wish me luck! And if you want to go vegan with me, let's do it together!

Think thin!

♥, Mint.

Can I be skinny yet?

Helloo~

Today was basically the same as yesterday. Super tired, 260 cal eaten, study, study, study.

I only lost 0.1 pounds from yesterday... I'm slowing to an immediate halt, and I'm not happy.

Ugh, I hate my life.

Think thin

♥, Mint.

Tireddddd.

Salut~!

Today I'm the most tired person on the planet. I'm going to sleep right after I write/proof-read this lol.

I had about 260 cal today:

• oatmeal (110)
• carrots and dip (100)
• soup (50)

I'm still freaking out about gaining, thinking I'm bigger and bigger each day even though I'm losing weight, and I hate it! >.< I'm like crazy paranoid, and anxious all the time because of it...

ugh, I hope I don't gain.

In other news I realized I haven't had my period for about 7 months! You may remember me saying I had my period in September, but I actually overreacted because it was only a bit of spotting. SO IT DOESN'T COUNT. I'm glad I don't get it anymore. I hate that thing...

Think thin beauties! And sweet dreams! xoxo

♥, Mint.

It's already Friday?

Hi!

I lost 0.4 lbs from yesterday... not impressed.

However, today my stomach was growling. That's a good sign. When I'm hungry, I lose weight :) plus, I've noticed that when I have soup I usually tend to hold a little weight, so hopefully tomorrow's weigh-in is better.

got to stay positive.

I had roughly 250 calories today. A veggie sushi roll for supper and a salad for lunch.

At the salad bar there was this pre made salad with bocconcini (tiny mozzarella balls) and tomato. NOW HOW COULD I PASS THAT UP? IT WAS REAL MOZZARELLA. So I added two bocconcini to my normal salad and went on my way. What I didn't know was that there was BASIL in the pre made salad! And, it was amazing!

I miss cooking SO bad. And having real foods, and real flavours! And most importantly, making things my way. Having a mandatory meal plan at uni sucks balls. :(

On another note, my butt looks smaller! That's never happened before! It's smaller, kinda toned, and has like no dimples! I'm amazed! My butt is the second thing I hate most about myself, next to my thighs.

On the other hand. I feel fatter than yesterday AGAIN. I'm huge!

All I want is to be thin, that all. Please oh please let it somehow happen faster!

Think thin ladies!

♥, Mint.

Down but Up.

Hello,

I lost some weight again, but not enough >.< in the past I've usually lost about 2 pounds a day, this time it's 0.5-1.0 lbs.

THAT'S TOO SLOW. I NEED IT GONE. NOW.

And that's with my diet pills! But I think the manufacturers have fucked with the dosage and ingredients and stuff because I don't feel awake while using them compared to in the past where I couldn't sit still.

In other news, I had a better food day than yesterday! :D 170 cal! I had soup for lunch, and salad for supper. And now I've finished the high-ish calorie soup my mom has sent me! (130 cal per cup)

Innnnn other, OTHER news, I feel fatter than ever. Even though I'm slowly getting smaller.

I feel just as fat as I was at my high weight, and I hate it.

My cheeks, my chin, my arms, my stomach, hips, thighs, calves, and of course butt. EVERYTHING IS BIGGER... buuuut not? It's an odd feeling for sure... :s

Anyway, think thin!

♥, Mint.

TODAY.

Hi!

Like the title? I couldn't think of a better one :p

Today was pretty good. I'm down in weight and have eaten 230 cals at most(I always estimate higher, just incase). It was GOING to be 170, but my friend wanted me to try this crispy rice roll thing that she got while in China so, I did. TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT.

But, it's under 300, so I suppose I didn't do too bad for the day. I'm drinking lots of water again tonight and pacing and stepping on my text books also. I don't really know if that does anything but it make me feel a little better :) I miss working out on my treadmill/elliptical at home :(

i miss home...

That reminds me! In exactly a week I'll be back at my Grannie's house for Remembrance Day long weekend. And we all remember what happened last time I was there! >.<

But this will be better I swear. This time, no pies, no noodles, no rice krispie squares, no ice-cream, and no insane amounts of chocolate. And most importantly, no binging when I get back.

That's what really got me last time... :s I'm such a fucking failure...

OH WELL, keep calm and carry on! This time will be better!

Think thinnnn!

♥, Mint.

Good News?

Hello!

Today I lost weight, but not the amount I was hoping for! >.<

Feeling defeated before I even got up this morning I decided to skip psychology (only class of the day) and try to get caught up in some things/mope at how fat I am.

Feeling mopey and pathetic, I gave up my fast (at around 12:30-1:00).

So in to-to, today I had:

• some carrots and low-cal dip
• 3 mouthfuls of fat-free yogurt
• a pack of low-sugar oatmeal (110 cal)

I felt guilty later on and have been downing the water ever since.

I didn't go through the calories I actually consumed until a little while ago and I'm... BAMBOOZLED.

I keep thinking I must have missed something more because no matter how many calories I add (maybe an extra tbsp of dressing here, an extra mouthful of yogurt there) I still get under 300 calories!

Not what I was wanting in a day where I did nothing, but much better than I essentially thought! I was actually expecting to see 600-800 calories lol shows where my head is...

However good under 300 cal may be, I'm still really worried. I did basically NOTHING today, barely left my chair while studying... SO, I've been trying to walk around my room to burn off some extra calories. I've also made a "step" out of three of my text books!

Sometimes I slip because of the lack of friction between each books cover, and almost fall and die though lol but that's okay!

Think thin lovelies! ^.^

♥, Mint.

The Scale.

Hello,

I had 180 cal today! A fruit cup (90 cal) and a cup of soup (90 cal).

I should have lost weight right? APPARENTLY NOT ACCORDING TO THE SCALE.

I hate that fucking thing. It's never wrong... But at the same time, it's my best friend. I can't live without my scale, even if sometimes I make our relationship tense. I love it.

However, according to my friend here, I've put on about a pound from this morning... this is impossible!!

By the way, you've probably already figured out that my "current weight" shown in the sidebar isn't... up to date let's say haha. That's how disgusting I am, sorry.

Anyway, tomorrow I plan on fasting. It depends how I feel. If I do decide not to fast, it'll be another under 200 cal day.

Good news: It feels like my mind is separating from my body more and more each day! When I look at my fat, and remember what a failure I am, I can't help but snarl and think "how pathetic".

Bad news: My snarl usually turns from emotion to action pretty quickly so I'm currently covered with bruises from punches and fingernails being dug into my fat, and scratches from my new favourite tool, the scissors!

Oh well, maybe this will teach me a lesson about not being so pathetic; about being so worthless.

FUCKING DISAPPEAR BITCH.

Thin or Bust!

♥, Mint.

and she creeps out once the moon is high...

FUCKING BLEED YOU WHORE.

Weak, fat, whore.

You want to be skinny?

yeah.

Skinnier than her?

yeah.

Skinnier than anyone?

YEAH.

Then don't fucking eat.

Drink your fucking eight glasses, you fat bitch.

lazy slob.

Good Day Was Good.

Helloooo,

240 cal todaaaaaay.

I had a bowl of soup (90 cal), and some graham cracker cookies (the were in the shape of Winnie the Pooh characters, so cute...)

I went to Wal-Mart with my friend today. Bought yogurt, salad dressing (no more fatty caff shit!), oatmeal (110 per packet), crystal light, and cup-a-soup packets (50 cal per packet).

I also needed more diet pills... It was awkward lol let's call my friend, Ami.

ME: Kay Ami, I need to buy something and you can't judge me for it okay?

AMI: Haha okay...

*I move the cart to the diet pill isle. My normal pills (Slimquick- regular) aren't there. I have a mini spazz attack because that's just what happens when things go as planned... but I eventually just pick up the caffeine free version of my regular pills. In the mean-time Ami is looking very uncomfortable and unhappy.*

Later...

AMI: I hate weight-loss products...

ME: You mean the effects, or the actual idea of them?

AMI: Them in general. They're not good...

ME (not wanting to get in this argument): Well I like them because they make me awake and stops my stomach growling so much in class... Plus these are just for women, and are green tea filled and healthy, *BLAHBLAHBLAH CHANGES SUBJECT*

No one's ever said anything bad about me buying diet pills before. It was weird, and I hated how awkward she made it... She wouldn't understand why I actually use them. And why I need them.

Later she was talking about how people who starve themselves are so judgemental and vain. She's obviously not met anyone with a real ED before... I wanted to tell her why people really starve themselves and that they really don't care about other people's weight, and even weight in general.

I wanted to set her straight! But... That would probably beeeeee, bad. lol.

Anyway, today was pretty good.

Hope yours was/is/will be good too!

♥, Mint.

Today, was GOOD.

Hello!

Today was good!

What makes it good? Under 200 calories! :)

now pat me on the head, say i'm a good little girl, and love me.

I had a sushi roll. I wanted to have soup 90 calories but my friend wanted to have supper and the sushi place on campus was the only thing open.

But it's still a good day :)

This is the start of something new? ♪

I HOPE SO.

I'm sick of looking like a fat tiger, always in pain. And I'm tired of being afraid to shower, afraid to weigh myself, afraid to catch a glimpse of myself in a window.

I'm tired of the pain, and feeling like being too much.

I need to be smaller and smaller still.

I'VE GOT MY HEAD IN THE GAME! ♪

What's with all the HSM references?

I don't know...

Think thin beauties!

♥♥♥ (extra love!), Mint.

that moment where you're too scared to take a shower...

Throw me to the monsters.

I want to scream

I want to die

I'm a failure

I'm pathetic

Leave me to my monsters.

I don't deserve sunlight

I don't deserve love

I'll be alone forever

No one to hear my worries

No one cares

Do you get that?

You're a no one.

Even if you go up to someone and say "I'm going to kill myself"

No one fucking cares.

No one listens.

Fucking die you waste of space.

You fucking whore.

You fucking whale.

You're so fucking fat.

Trying to get attention?

Trying to get affection?

Fucking pathetic.

Go fucking die.

You're nothing.

Fucking BE nothing.

Waste of space.

Fat fucking pig.

Go die.

GO FUCKING DIE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.

FUCKING FAILURE

FUCKING FAT FAILURE

PATHETIC.

WASTE

OF

FUCKING

SPACE

I'm sick of myself.

But I can't escape my weak fuckng body.

Fucking pathetic.

Piece of fucking fat shit.

DIE ALREADY.

let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die. let me die.

Remember me?

Hiiii,

Sorry I suck at posting...

It's just I have nothing to say really. I fail at life. How many times can I make a post about that, I mean seriously?

I'm fat, I have no control, I'm imperfect, I suck, I don't deserve life, I'm worthless... why can't I let myself disappear?

There's two demons in my head:

The one who makes me eat, because I'm "happy", and it's "normal"

And the one who knows that thin is true happiness.

Why can't I just tune the first one out? Others can do it. That's why people ARE SKINNY. If I had tuned that first voice out the moment I heard the second one, I would've been long gone by now.

I want to be good, I want to listen and to obey, but the fat ass voice just keeps getting in the way.

i don't want to be a failure...

no love today sorry, just Mint.

"it's just a dream... go awaaaaay, disappear..."

To-mo-mo.

HEY

YOU THERE!

YOU SITTING THERE FEELING BAD ABOUT HOW YOU'VE GONE OFF COURSE!

YEAH YOU FATTY!

Tomorrow, one little word, will be you saviour.

Tomorrow, you will commit 110% of your life to the devil who promises happiness.

After my 2nd psych midterm tomorrow, I. WILL. BE. BACK.

And whoever has lost their way, I command you to get back on this path with me and we will walk hand in hand to the finish line.

No more excuses, no more "just for todays", no more fucking excuses.

I'VE GOT THIS.

YOU'VE GOT THIS.

WE WILL SUCCEED!

be thin my lovelies ♪

♥ you LOTS! Mint.

Alone.

I'm alone.

Why?

Why am I carving the word fat into my thigh multiple times at 2:30 in the morning (with my pathetic little pin because I've never done any self-harm before)?

Probably for the same reason that I wrote all over my fat stomach in permanent ink this morning,

Because there's room to. I'm so fat, that I mind as well remind myself why I hate it.

When I change in the morning/night, I see how I hate myself, on my stomach.

Hopefully when I walk around tomorrow, I'll feel the sting of pain and remember why I'm buying yogurt and diet pills.

Maybe, just maybe, in a world of darkness, I can guide myself to the light.

♥, Mint.

The Plan Where I Actually Don't Fail.

"Your body's your temple, put something good into it."

Why the fuck have I been filling myself up with fat, carbs, and sugar? Is nothing sacred? Do I have no respect for myself?

Apparently so.

I've been giving into emotional cues. "WAH, I'm sad. Give me sugar to make me feel better." "YAY I DID GOOD. Give me fat as a reward!" "OMG I'M ANXIOUS. Give me carbs to relive the stress!"

I'm a fucking baby with no boundaries. Well I'm taking a stand, no more baby. Only foods of purity will pass these lips. I'll be aware that it's nourishment, not companionship. I'll be conscious of my decisions. I will be in control.

Ana is pure, clean, innocent. She's everything that's right in this world. So here it is, the food plan of the gods:

• breakfast- yogurt pot, 35 cal
• lunch- small apple, or some carrots with NO dip, 50 cal
• supper- salad with low-fat or vinegar dressing and hard boiled egg (ON OCCASION), or roll of sushi, 136-165
• snack- idk something small LOL (optional), 50 cal at MOST.

That's exactly 300 calories if I have the max. dinner allowance and the optional snack. I didn't even plan that! :)

Sunday's I want to make my fast day, kinda clean out the system you know? Good way to start the week.

"Your body is you temple..."

I need to remember that cookies are terribly dangerous, they have lots of chocolate PUS added carbs, sugar, and fat, from the cookie part.

I need to remember that bread is the devil, it just balls up in your stomach and makes you slow and sluggish, same with pasta.

I need to remember that no, m&ms aren't necessary for studying, even if they are a "university student staple".

Food is necessary so that I don't yo-yo back and forth between fat and obese.

I need to be conscious while eating.

I'm excited :) a new diet plan with actual food! And it's within my ideal calorie budget!

Let's hope it works.

Think thin you lovely sunshines! ♪

♥, Mint.

FUCKING HELL.

THAT'S WHAT I BASICALLY LOOK LIKE, PROBABLY WORSE.

I'M PATHETIC

I'M GREEDY

I'M FAAAAAAT.

I was doing SO FUCKING WELL.

WTF HAPPENED?

I lost inspiration, THAT'S what happened.

Food's an addiction. A demon, that needs to be killed.

Comments saying to have just a "little bit" floated in my head.

"Yeah, just a little bit, I'll be fine with that..." HA. NOPE. I'm a fucking monster on a rampage.

Cookie monster binge.

I lost face, and I'm sorry. I just can't handle a little bit :(

I'm sorry I'm so fucking pathetic, like a child who doesn't know when to stop. I'm sorry.

I need the voice to be yelling at me 24/7, to remind me how disgusting I am ALL the time. I need someone RIGHT by my side, someone to mirror, someone to encourage just the same.

Ugh, I need to be thin.

I need to be thin. I need to be thin. I need to be thin.

thinnnnnnnnn.

Such a beautiful word.

Think thin. xoxo

♥, Mint.

Tic Tok.

Helloo~

Still not feeling very motivated to do anything really.

I miss my mom, a 3 day Thanksgiving break isn't long enough, it's like a teaser. :(

I've decided that since "the incident" probably kick-started my metabolism I mind as well keep it, instead of shocking my system with a week long fast, which would lead to another, binge. :/

So I'm eating "normally" this week, getting my diet pills and yogurt on the weekend and then we'll go from there I suppose.

Today I had:

• super teeny apple from my Grannie
• some fruit juice
• carrots and low-cal ranch dip

Not good, but better than it has been.

Think thin.

♥, Mint.

sorry.

I'm back.

I'm not going to say what happened, we all know what happened...

Not weighing myself until November 1st, 4 weeks tomorrow.

Fasting for a week and then going to try to "eat normally" (300 cal or less)

I'm also going to buy my diet pills this weekend, I don't care if they're expensive, they fucking work.

Hope you're all doing better than myself...

♥, Mint.

Loss of Inspiration.

Ugh.

134.0 this morning. Oh well, it's to be expected. I DID HELLA GOOD ON MY PSYCH TEST THOUGH! +A!

That's basically where the positiveness ends actually... :/

I wasn't planning on eating today even though I originally was planning to eat. Well... I ate. fml.

I had a fruit bowl AND half a peach. Was it good? Meh. Did I feel full? Meh. Did I want more? YUP. Did I feel guilty? NOPE. I still want food, I want a PB & J sandwich, I want cheez whiz, I want cookies, and a cinnamon bun, and KD, and a grilled cheese sandwich, and pizza, and pizza pops, and chocolate...

I WANT FOOD.

sometimes i think it'd be easier just to be happy, fat...

LOL, like that's ever going to happen. Ugh, I need inspiration, I feel myself slipping, loosing grip. Will Thanksgiving be a disaster? I fucking hope not...

Think thin! GIVE ME INSPIRATION xoxo

♥, Mint.

La Salade.

Hello all you beautiful thin ladiessss!

This morning I was at 133.8! :D yesyesyes! So happy!

Today was pretty good, watched Glee, had a French test, you know, the norm. In writing class however, this guy beside me was eating that white cheddar flavoured popcorn. I don't really like popcorn but I LOVE that kind; and as I was sitting there smelling it's lovely smell, I realized why I love it.

I love that popcorn because my dad loves that popcorn! He'd always buy a bag for us to share when we'd watch a movie together and now, that popcorn reminds me of him, and it makes me happy.

That's when I found out that a lot of the foods I like are linked to certain happy memories with my family. Good to know now! That'll help me for sure in the future.

I also had my salad today and have now dedicated this post to SALAD TIPS:

First of all, here is a picture of my normal small salad from the cafeteria on campus:

So, as you can see it's a small veggie salad with an iceberg base, topped with cherry tomatoes, carrots, pickles, banana peppers, and cucumber. I usually get green pepper too but they had none today QQ. Also, I top my salad with about a tbsp of vinaigrette dressing. Unfortunately, none of the ones they offer are low-cal :(

And here are "Mint's Official Salad Tips to make sure you get the Least Amount of Calories, Sugar, and FAT, out of Your Salad, Tips":

1. Make sure you get a small. Actually, make this your number one rule about anything you get. Less is more! And just remember, you're eating so that you don't die a fat whale, not because it'll "fill you up". Grow some balls.
2. Try to make sure iceberg is your lettuce leaf of choice (it has 8 cal per 1 cup), however, it has no nutritional benefit (personally I don't care). If you do want nutrition though, get spinach.
3. Cucumbers and pickles (though it may seem strange in a salad at first) are saviours! Cucumbers have 8 cal per 1/2 cup and since pickles are the same thing only salty, it has roughly the same amount.
4. Banana peppers and jalapeños (I'm too chicken to try jalapeños) are also, AMAZING. They add flavour with their heat, and boost your metabolism! LOVELOVELOVE
5. Oh, and go vegetarian if you're strong enough ;) it saves you a TON of calories and you don't hurt cute little animals! BUT, if you just can't do it. Go with a fish (tuna) or chicken as a topper!

Dressing a salad at home:

• As stated below, always try to avoid a creamy dressing, and try to stick with vinaigrettes. The difference in calories is AMAZING. One tbsp of low cal Italian is only 5 cal! However, keep in mind that not all low cal options are as gracious as the amazing Italian dressing!

• I've mentioned this before but not as an official salad tip haha but, when I make my salads at home I usually just use vinegar to dress it (red wine vinegar is the best). I skip the oil because I honestly don't notice a difference and I don't want the fat haha Try it for yourself, but stay away from sugary vinegars like balsamic!

Dressing at a restaurant:

• First off, if you know it comes with a creamy dressing, check to see if you can have it switched to a vinaigrette!

• If they don't have vinaigrette or you don't want to be a hassle, be less of a hassle and ask for the dressing on the side! When you get your meal, dip the fork into the dressing and then get a bite of food on top.

• And lastly, if you reallllly don't want to be a hassle with the waiter/chef, simply try to wipe off as much of the dressing as you can to avoid extra calories!

WARNINGS:

1. NEVER, get cheese. Like, NEVER. Just give it up. You don't notice it in a salad or anything else (minus dishes where the cheese is the main flavour) that much. And it can add 100 extra calories, easy.
2. Don't get black olives. They may seem smart because they're pickled and all but they're loaded with FAT. Ever wonder where olive oil comes from? Yeah.
3. If given the choice between red and green bell peppers to put on a salad, always go with green. Less sugar, and less calories.
4. NEVER go with a creamy dressing. That's like the worst move EVER. Low cal ranch dressing has 45 cal per tbsp, and a whopping 148 cal in the original. And just a heads up, restaurants never go for low cal.
5. Lastly, be careful with pickles and such! They are amazing, yes. But they also have LOTS of salt! So don't go crazy with them! And make sure you drink lots of water along with it!!

I know it's sort of crazy to analyze a salad so much but hey! You do what you gotta do lol I hope these tips were semi-useful though! :) And if you want any other tips about certain dishes (including meat ones) ask away! I have lots of information to share! :)

Think thin! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Scary.

Helloo to my TEN followers! :3

Yesterday, as planned, I went and got my pita from extreme pita.

It's just a small veggie pita filled with: lettuce, tomato, green pepper, pickles, banana pepper, and cucumber. With tzatziki (I loveeee tzatziki) and low-cal Italian dressing. When I eat it I rip off as much of the actual pita part as possible and throw it out (who wants extra carbs? Not me.), so technically it's not as many calories as one would think (I think I worked it out to be 240 at most).

WELL, when I ate it yesterday I got rid of more pita than usual and was so extremely stuffed. Like uber full, I felt so sick for the rest of the night. I also started freaking out about gaining weight. I felt like I'd gained 2-3 pounds and I was NOT happy about that. So I drank a bunch of water to try to flush it out.

Let's just say last night wasn't the best. I am never eating that much again, and never eating at extreme pita again. I just can't handle it, and I could still taste/smell it when I went to sleep.

blech.

LUCKILY though, I only went up 0.1 pounds! Thank GOD lol Next time I eat something with substance (Thanksgiving), I am definitely going to eat slow so that I don't get too full.

Today I fasted again with Evie (it feels good to be empty) and wrote my first uni test EVER! It was in psych, and I really hope I did well... I think I did well, but I don't want to get my hopes up lol I hate defeat :/ I also counted how many stairs I have to walk up to get to my room.

SIXTY.

I don't know if that a lot or not, but at home my set of stairs was only thirteen lol no wonder my thighs are looking a bit better! :)

Anyways, talk to you soon! Think thin girls! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Thinspo!

Hiiii! :)

Today I'm at 134.6!! :D That means my first thinspo post and I get to have a pita! WOO!

I've also decided that I might be pushing it by trying to lose 4.6 pounds by Saturday, so I might change my goal to being at a new lw by next Thursday.

In response to Lina's comment:

It's just a small vegetarian salad from the caf. here on campus. I'll take a picture of it the next time I get one! (a.k.a Wednesday)

And now... let the thinspo commence!

Think thin! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Morning!

Gooooood morning! :)

Weighed in at 135.1 that means tomorrow equals fooood, and equals my very first thinspo post! :D are you as excited as I am!?!?

This is my plan for the next two weeks (until I leave campus for Thanksgiving):

• monday: pita (280 cal)
• tuesday: fast with Evie (day 20 of her ABC diet)
• wednesday: salad
• thursday: salad
• friday: KAPPA ROLL! (if I'm at 130)
• saturday/sunday: fast
• monday: salad
• tuesday: salad
• wednesday: salad
• thursday: fast!

My goal is to be at 128 by the time I get to Grannie's house. That'll be a new low weight for me! :D It also give me leverage room, because I'll probably gain over that weekend... :/

I hope it all works out!

Think thin lovlies! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Skinny Love.

Hi there!

So, I'm at 135.8 this morning! Which is what I was hoping for but just barely! >.< Hopefully I'm at 135.0 by tomorrow or close!

Today I didn't do much, read my psych homework, looked at food porn, organized my meals for the next two weeks, and listened to music!

Today was day 17 of my friend Evie's ABC diet! She's doing so awesome! And since today's her second fast day (and because I'm still not 135.0 or less) I fasted with her! :) I'm not planning on eating tomorrow too and that's when I realized that I haven't eaten since Sunday. I just did a week long fast without realizing! haha well, THAT was easy!

my face is feeling thinner... :)

In response to Amaris' comment:

I'm at UBCO getting my BA in psychology! And then my doctoral degree after that :) Very competitive I guess, so I have to study hard! P.s I absolutely love the song you posted on your blog, it's my new favourite! :)

Anyway, that's about it! Think thin ladies! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Food Porn.

Hi there! :)

So, I've hit a new low. I've discovered food porn. It's where you look at delicious pictures of foods and say "mm!" every two seconds in your head.

For the last HOUR, I've been looking at desserts. but not just any desserts, THESE desserts! And have come to a conclusion:

Food porn should be banned. lol it's too dangerous!! You know how when you look at thinspo you get triggered to lose some more weight? Yeah well food porn triggers you into gaining weight.

It's terrible and requires a LOT of will-power and yelling at yourself to not run out and buy a cookie or cake or BIG BAG OF SUGAR lol.

On another note, I'm at 136.0 today! One more pound and then I deserve some food and have met my goal for the week! :)

Hopefully tomorrow I'm in the 135's!

Wish me luuuck! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Nothing.

Hey again!

Two posts in one day, are you sick of me yet? :3

So I just got back from creative writing where the class critiqued my poems (including "Ghost."), and it went much better than I expected! Some people said they were their favourites!

Immediately after, I phoned my mom to tell her how it went over and how well I did; however, she decided to mention how she saw this one girl's mom today. This girl, used to be my friend, and her whole family is exactly why I hate my old town.

In my town there's a little group of people who have a lot of money but don't know the meaning of hard work. "Old money", I'd supposed you'd call it. Anyway, this girl isn't very smart, isn't very original, and isn't very good at anything.

BUT THE WHOLE TOWN, thinks she's a miracle...

In grade 9 after I'd been into photography for awhile and starting posting my prints and getting into it (and doing VERY WELL I might add), she decided that she wanted it.

So her mom bought her this deluxe digital camera with all the bells and whistles for Christmas, and then her mom got her photographer friend to allow her to be an intern on a few jobs.

This girl then put her pictures Facebook and the whole town oo'd and awe'd at crappy work.

This girl now decided that that will be her career and has gone to school for it. But wait! Before she could get in she needed to make a portfolio because it's an arts degree, which means you should be into art.

But this girl isn't very creative, and she doesn't really like art. So she googled craft ideas and got her friend to help her because she left it to the last minute. And guess what? She got in! But oh wait, she's too stupid to make the basic requirements so she has to go to a different school with her mommy's money.

This new school is an express program so she has to work oh so hard! She's such a trooper! Doing an amazing job! She's so talented!

AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES SHE IS FAKE AS FUCK AND DOESN'T HAVE AN ORIGINAL BONE IN HER BODY OR CREATIVE THOUGHT IN HER HEAD?

And why does my mom have to constantly go along with it? Why does she always tell me how amazing she is? Why doesn't she have anything to say about how well I'm doing? How hard I'm working?

WHY DOES SHE ALLOW THAT WHOLE TOWN TO THINK I'M NOT EVEN AT SCHOOL?

WHY DOESN'T SHE LET THEM KNOW THAT I'M GOING TO BECOME A FREAKIN' DOCTOR?

WHY AREN'T I GOOD ENOUGH?

because i'm nothing...

Sorry to bother you with my rant.

♥, Mint.

BAM.

Hi there! :)

So I've finally separated the mind from the body. I'm in control now, the mind, is in control.

I'm at 136.5! Lost a pound from yesterday! :D I'm teaching my stupid fat body that in order for it to get what it wants (some food because it's so selfish and pathetic), it needs to show me results.

1.5 lbs until I'm at my weekly goal of 135! :D It will happen! >.<

I have the pow-ah! lmao

ANYWAY, tonight I have my creative writing class where everyone gets to critique the poems we've written... I'm not excited. A whole circle of people analyzing you, judging you. bleh.

Think thin ladies! And don't give up! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Plateau.

FML.

I'm getting really pissed off now lol 137.5 AGAIN.

I should probably eat something to switch up my metabolism buuuuut, I don't want to. I don't deserve food at the moment, I mean. I haven't done anything to deserve it! I haven't lost anything...

So today it's coffee coffee coffee diet coke, walking walking walking.

And hopefully something changes...

wish me luck?

Think thin xoxo

♥, Mint.

Ba-da-ba-ba!

Helloo~

I'm still at 137.5 but it's okay because today I am HAPPY.

I don't know why, but it's alright with me! I think I realized that as long as I don't give up, I'll get there sooner or later. People don't eat 300 calls or less and stay fat, so I've just got to keep that in mind.

Oh hey! Did I mention that I'm on a liquid fast until I reach 135? It'll be irritating if it takes too long (day 2 now) but I'm just taking advantage of the fact that my stomach doesn't growl anymore. I love it :3 The only thing that's bothersome is that I get suuuper tired sometimes, BUT all I need to do is crack open a diet coke and I'm GOOD TO GO!

And I'm pretty sure my hair is falling out... or I'm shedding like crazy lol either way it's annoying as hell.

Ummm, what else, what else? OH! My psych prof showed us this video today! It's cute and colourful and I like it, so click here to view!

That's about it! I hope I lose some weight by tomorrow... I had a diet pill so hopefully my metabolism is going a bit!

Think thinnnnnn~!

Love LoVe LOVE ♥, Mint!

Whale.

Fucking whaleeeee.

Greedy, fat whale. That's what I am.

137.5

fuck.

Yesterday I had:

• a salad
• a fruit bowl

Why did I have both? Because I'm greedy!! I'm so disappointed in myself... I don't know if I want to eat today. Maybe I'll get a smoothie still just for the protein... Ugh, idk.

I hate myself I really do. I wish I wasn't so fat, so needy, so fucking annoying! >.<

I need to be under 135 by the end of this week. And I should be, that's a lot of time to lose 2.5 pounds.. but if I'm not, then I'm not eating until I am!

end. of. story.

Think thinnnnn! xoxo

♥, Mint.

OH HAI.

OH HAI GUESS WAT:

My knees have stopped touching! FINALLY!

Still fat, but progress is progress, AM I RITE?

Just wanted to share :p

♥♥

137.3

Morning!

How did I get to 137.3? I have no fucking idea lol

The only productive thing I did yesterday was clean the washroom. Did a few squats in the shower really make me lose 1.4 pounds? Oh well, I'm not complaining! :p

Now all I have to lose is at least 0.4 lbs by tomorrow and I've met my goal for Monday! Everyday keeps getting betterrrr!

Today I'm hopefully going to town and doing laundry, so that should burn some calories for sure! I'm planning on having a salad for supper today and a booster juice for Monday (I'm craving sugar soo fucking bad- cookiescookiescookies! And need to get protein somehow).

Sleep sucked last night, there was this huge dj party in the field that went to 2 a.m and even after it finished I was tossing and turning. Oh well, I guess...

SORRY MY THOUGHTS ARE SO RANDOM! I'm just so happy with the weight loss :) the 140s and 138s are hard to get past for me for some reason, so I'm stoked!

Think thin! :)

♥, Mint.

P.s! I always freak out that maybe my thoughts of food will make me fat. Does this happen to anyone else?

Greet the Day.

Good morning starshine! The Earth says, "Hello!" ♪

I'm 138.7 this morning. I lost next to nothing but that's because I didn't do anything yesterday.

today will be better.

I'm fasting today because my texting buddy Evie is on day 10 of the ABC diet, so I'm showing my support :)

Also today I'm going to get stuff done! I'm going to do the readings I've been procrastinating on, I'm going to go for a walk, I'm going to wash the bathroom, and I'm going to see if there's ANYWHERE on campus that I can pick up a fashion magazine.

Which reminds me! I've decided that every time I lose 5 pounds (so 135.0, 130.0, 125.0 etc) I'll do a thins post! And do I ever have a lot of thins! :)

I'm going to try to be at 136.0-136.9 for Monday, so wish me luck!

thinthinthin, i want to be thin.

Have an excellent Saturday! xoxo

♥♥, Mint.

Dreamlike State.

Hi there,

I only lost 0.7 lbs yesterday but I'm okay with it. It's a loss, not a gain. If I gained, the world would've ended. If I get any fatter, I won't be able to fit anything, I'd fall through the Earth into the pits of hell. I'd get kicked out though because the smell of my fat burning would piss everyone off.

i don't belong here.

My thoughts have been going 'round and 'round like a merry-go-round. I think of the tastes of all the things I love. The lighting of when I remember eating it, the smells, the smiles.

If I'm thin I could eat that stuff again. I could be happy, just like before.

But then my thoughts are interrupted by the voice, "You can't eat it because you won't stop. You can't eat it because you'll become even more disgusting. You can't eat, you can't eat, you can't eat. Food isn't what makes you happy anyway, it's love. Is food love? No. You don't even deserve love you fat cow. If you eat you'll feel hungry again, do you want that? The embarrassing tummy growl? If you eat you'll get your period again. Do you want blood pouring out of you like some sick monster? No. If you eat, you will feel. You will feel regret, hatred. You will die and no one will care. No one will go to your funeral because your fat fills the room. Don't eat."

when will this ride end?

Today for supper I'm having:

• a romaine heart with vinegar (30 cals)

**tip: I only put vinegar on my salad because it has no calories and has the same amount of flavour as a store bought dressing, or if you add fatty fat oil to it. Just saying. HOWEVER, stay away from sugary vinegars like balsamic because, well because they're sugary lol.

Right now I'm listening to "Avril 14th" by Aphex Twin on repeat. I love this song, it's so beautiful...

Think thin beauties xoxo

♥, Mint.

Frustrated.

Hi!

So, today was better than yesterday for sure. I actually laughed for the first time in two weeks, and not a fake laugh either :)

I got my pita but it wasn't as good as the feeling I had this morning when I stepped on the scale. Which is probably a good thing because then I'd want more, more, more. Also, I ripped off as much of the pita as I could to reduce calories so it was def. under 240 :)

"nothing tastes as good as skinny feels..."

I've also been surfing the ED web and have come across a few interesting things. Some good, some really annoying. Let's start with the good, shall we?

When you wikipedia "fasting" there's a picture of a girl who has done 3 consecutive 40 day fasts. Here's the before:

... and here's the after:

See what a little control can do? I'm inspired :)

She apparently did it for religious reasons but she lost about 100 pounds! Click here to creep her youtube if you're interested!

Another interesting tid-bit of information on wiki's fasting page is a quote from Buddha:

'I, monks, do not eat a meal in the evening. Not eating a meal in the evening I, monks, am aware of good health and of being without illness and of buoyancy and strength and living in comfort. Come, do you too, monks, not eat a meal in the evening. Not eating a meal in the evening you too, monks, will be aware of good health and..... and living in comfort.'

A.k.a, don't eat and you'll feel good about your choices lol. I don't know, I just liked the fact that Buddha said to put the fork down hahaha

Now on to the thing that pissed me the fuck off! I've been on Pro-ana Angels lately and have been looking at their diets/recipes for any new tips that I might not know about. What I found was kinda horrible. :/

The recipes consist of brownies, breads, and pizzas... and that's not the worst part. Even though they may be "health conscious" they definitely aren't, "ana conscious". They have sugar (ever heard of, splenda?), they have oil (ever heard of non-sweetened apple sauce?), and they have carbs and calories galore!

I'd think a website that's devoted to EDs would have, diluted soups, celery covered in hot sauce, and lettuce wraps, as recipes. So that sort of shocked, and disappointed me.

Their diets? They're okay, they have the basic ones like the ABC, vegan model, and Russian gymnast diet. But they also have: the bread and butter diet (where you eat a piece of bread WITH butter) at every meal, along with other food! There's the chicken soup diet too that includes cereals, milks, cheeses, and even bagels, so again, FULL meals.

Now I'm not saying that the site sucks or anything, but I just thought that it was weird having those particular diets/recipes on a pro-ana site. Or is it just me? :/

If you watch "Thin" those girls have 100-200 calories a day MAX. That what we're all aiming for. Anything over means you're fat and have no control.

I'm fat, I have no control, that's why I need to eat.

If I owned that site I wouldn't even let those thoughts go into my visitors minds. If I want to eat brownies and breads, fine. But I wouldn't recommend it to others as a way to become thin. My site would be bad ass. I'd have the lowest calories for maximum loss. It'd be for the strong willed who want to succeed...

But that's just me I guess...

Sorry for the ranty post! And thanks for the compliments on my poem/the support from all of you! :)

Think thin! xoxo

♥, Mint.

PITA.

Hey thereeee!

Just a quick hello to let you know I'm back in the 130s! FINALLYYYYY.

I'm at 139.8, which doesn't really amount to much but it still counts! :)

So that meansssssss, I deserve my pita! :D

I'm so excited haha back on track!

I'll post later loverss! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Procrastinate.

Hey there,

Not the best day today...

I miss my mom and my home, and feel alone, but what else is new?

I'm tired as hell but when I try to sleep my head races with ana thoughts; and right now, I'm procrastinating on my readings. I probably shouldn't do that on the second week in...

Today I ate:

• my bowl of fruit, as planned.

Oh, and if you check, I'm at 140.8 now. Lower than before, but not where I wanted to be...

Tomorrow will be better? doubt it.

xoxo

♥, Mint.

Ghost- Revised.

Hello!

So I re-wrote "Ghost." and am thinking of using it for my creative writing class. Nothing gets higher marks than sorrow, am I right? And if anyone reads it please let me know how I can make it better!

I weighed 141.8 this morning and ate nothing. However I'm terrified that I gained. I've been on the scale so many times since and it keeps saying 143.5, 143.5, ONE FORTY THREE POINT FIVE.

Which led to me feeling worthless, selfish, and greedy. Which led me to thinking of how I just want to curl up into a tiny ball until I'm thin, which led me to re-writing "Ghost." lol

However, I did use some of this time to plan my next few meals:

• tomorrow: fruit bowl that I bought yesterday (about 140 cal at most)
• thursday: extreme pita (240 cal at most) if I'm in the 130s. If not, nothing.
• friday: salad at the caff
• saturday: I'll ride the bus myself to Wal-mart, buy a cucumber, and make a little salad with it and the lettuce I bought yesterday
• sunday: same thing

Dear God, I hope I didn't gain...

♥, Mint.

Fat.

Hiiii,

Do you ever get so disgusted with yourself that you can't focus on anything else but your own self-loathing?

That's where I am right now.

I stepped on the scale this morning, without the comfort of my heavy pjs and weighed 143.

F-A-T.

However, I have an excuse at the ready because that's how pathetic I am. My excuse is that I got my period.

Fat fucking hell. That's what I get for stuffing my face like the cow I am back in June... My period, can go fuck itself.

Today I ate much too much:

• clementine orange for breakfast (right after weighing myself. Make sense? No.)
• diet coke
• caramilk bar- 240 (went to Wal-mart and lost control for a minute)
• pint of blueberries
• about 4 strawberries

I've just decided that I'm not eating tomorrow, screwwwww that. I just wish this nightmare of fat would end... 14 years seem to be long enough don't you think? I wish I wasn't so weak!!

if you're tired of even the fat girl being skinnier than you why don't you just do something about it?

Tomorrow I only have psych in the morning and then after I'm working on creative writing (poetry) with a friend who lives off campus, which means easy escape plan for food... again!

On another note, I wish that I had a pro-ana friend! It'd be so easy to keep each other in line... It'd be like "Winter Girls" but in real life! HOW DO I FIND A PRO-ANA PAL AT MY SCHOOL!?!?

I guess it's just another thing to wish for at 11:11...

Think thin! And don't be a fat ass like me! xoxo

♥, Mint.

P.s! Karolina, I read a bit of your blog and have followed you back! :) I really enjoy your words of encouragement and your writing style so I decided that we should be friends! lol E-mail me sometime! ♥♥

Little Miss Muffet.

Hello!

Yesterday I ate:

• nothing!! :D

Hurray! And it was easy.

Getting out of lunch was easy because the girls I went to the beach with (who live off campus btw) didn't eat lunch LOL finally! Some people who aren't always wanting food! And then to get out of supper I told my campus friend that I got like no reading done at the beach (which is partly true), and that I had already picked up supper and would eat in my room (which is of course, a lie).

lying is great.

Now the hard part is breaking my fast.. I know it was only for a day but you have to slowly ease yourself into not eating, otherwise it's just hard to function I think. Breaking a fast for me has been hard lately because I usually binge after which makes the whole fast pointless. But, because I'm on campus, and all the main restaurants are closed, I should be good.

I weighed myself this morning with my heavy pjs again and I'm 144.5, which equals 141.5! So if everything works out I should be in the 130s tomorrowwww!! Woo!

Oh! And you're probably wondering why the title is "Little Miss Muffet." aren't you? Well let me tell you a little tid- bit of information about Mint... I hate spiders and am super scared of them. But everyone's afraid of spiders right? No big deal! Unless they follow you.

YES, call me crazy but spiders seriously follow me. It's like they're drawn to me I swear! They even come into my dreams the little buggers!

I. HATE. SPIDERS.

So this morning I woke up and the first thing I see on the wall by the window is, OF COURSE, a spider. And I know he was watching me because as soon as I sat up, rubbing my eyes just incase I was imagining things, he ran behind the curtain.

My heart was pounding as I grabbed my mini dirt devil (which I had boughten just for these situations) and began inching towards the window. I stood there for a little while with the dirt devil close to my heart and my fringier ready on the trigger, seeing if it would dart out. After a few minutes of no movement I got a little bit of courage and began poking the curtain in random places (with the dirt devil of course) to see if that would make it move.

Nothing.

So there were no other options but to pull up the curtain slowly and hope for the best... As I got about halfway I SAW IT, and he saw me! He began descending just as the spider from Little Miss Muffet did but I was too fast. Within a moment's instant (and not even with a yelp from me I might add!) I trapped him inside the dirt devil!!

Hurray!

But now... I have to get him out some way :/ I put the dirt devil in the bathroom so I wouldn't be so freaked out lol except I really don't want it weaving webs in there. So I'll get a friend to empty it!

Seriously though? How scary is that to wake up to?? Everyone I've talked to haven't seen any spiders at all!

I've seen two. One in the hotel room when I first got here, and now this one...

I hope that's it for awhile!

Anyway, think thin lovelies! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Lonely.

Morning,

I'm feeling kind of depressed to day... I miss home.

I miss my mom, and my dog, and my cozy bed... and it's been a week since I got here.

this is going to be a hard year i'm thinking.

Right now I have my teddy bear on my lap and the idea of not eating today in my head; because, if I'm thin I wouldn't be too big to hug, and I wouldn't be too ugly to love.

If I become empty by not eating, the feelings of loneliness will disappear...

right?

Today I'm going to the beach with a friend to do some reading (that's all my life will consist of this year, reading text books) and then I'll come back to the campus and READ SOME MORE.

Then tomorrow I'll read, AGAIN.

Getting out of eating today is simple. My friend doesn't live on res so when I say "Oh, I'm just going to wait 'till I get back on campus so I can use my food card." she won't even question it. And then no one will be monitoring my dinner because I'll be alone, like always.

** tip for not eating crap food: always remember that it won't make you happy. It will for a split second yes, but after you'll feel even worse because you realize what a fat cow you are. ALSO, remember that hunger is a good thing. If you're stomach is growling it means a fairy is in there making you thin, don't drown her. Lastly, you've probably already eaten all of the food you're craving at least once before, right? So you know what it tastes like. Why eat a cheeseburger if you've eaten so many in the past?

Yesterday I ate:

• fruit cup
• fruit bowl
• fruit bar (120)

Too much, too much. I know, I'm greedy as hell. Just another reason for me to fast today! I think I might try to pick up some diet coke when I'm in town today. Caffeine might make me wake up a bit.

Oh, and I'm cutting my meals on campus to 1 a day because they're so fucking expensive here. 10 bucks for a small salad? Ridiculous.

Think thin girls! xoxo

♥, Mint.

Quick Update.

Hi!

I'm just letting everyone know my mini plan for the next couple of days! :D

I'm weighing myself on Monday morning. Hoping to be in the 130s. I've weighed myself with about 3 pounds of clothes on and I'm 147.5 (aka 144.5).

I usually lose about 2 pounds a day when I try so if I really try I should be able to make it!

I'll be pissed as hell if I'm not in the 130s lol so wish me luck!

♥ always,

Mint.

Lovin' Lyfe.

Helloo~

Today was awesome, again.

and sunny, again. loll

Psych was great, the teacher is awesome, I'm stoked to do the research assignment, and yeah. I. LOVE. IT.

Sociology was okay. LOL. But honestly, it's sociology... it can never be that great. I'm scared of that class though because it can get boring during those sorts of lectures so I'll have to keep focus!

Creative writing was good! Everyone in my class though is soooo good at writing! I feel so stupid in there! >.< I'll have to read more I guess, so I can have a broader vocabulary!

OH, and I read 20 pages of pronoun/verb rules for my writing course today... SO FREAKIN' BORING OMG.

On a lighter note however, the facility guys got the garbage bag from the 9 foot deep garbage can and ripped it open, spilling garbage EVERYWHERE, just so they could get my ring! ♥ Isn't that lovely?

Today was really good for food too! I had:

• a salad
• a fruit cup

The next few days I'm worried about how they'll play out because tomorrow I only have one class (Astronomy- 11:30-12:30) and then it's the weekend. I know I'm going to town so I might eat there... RAH I don't like not knowing every little detail! lolol

Anyway, I'm really tired. It's been a busy couple of days! Sorry my blog's so boring haha NO CONFLICT I KNOW. -.-'

sorry.

I hope you all have lovely dreams tonight! ♪

xoxo

♥, Mint.