Fat.

Hiiii,

Do you ever get so disgusted with yourself that you can't focus on anything else but your own self-loathing?

That's where I am right now.

I stepped on the scale this morning, without the comfort of my heavy pjs and weighed 143.

F-A-T.

However, I have an excuse at the ready because that's how pathetic I am. My excuse is that I got my period.

Fat fucking hell. That's what I get for stuffing my face like the cow I am back in June... My period, can go fuck itself.

Today I ate much too much:

• clementine orange for breakfast (right after weighing myself. Make sense? No.)
• diet coke
• caramilk bar- 240 (went to Wal-mart and lost control for a minute)
• pint of blueberries
• about 4 strawberries

I've just decided that I'm not eating tomorrow, screwwwww that. I just wish this nightmare of fat would end... 14 years seem to be long enough don't you think? I wish I wasn't so weak!!

if you're tired of even the fat girl being skinnier than you why don't you just do something about it?

Tomorrow I only have psych in the morning and then after I'm working on creative writing (poetry) with a friend who lives off campus, which means easy escape plan for food... again!

On another note, I wish that I had a pro-ana friend! It'd be so easy to keep each other in line... It'd be like "Winter Girls" but in real life! HOW DO I FIND A PRO-ANA PAL AT MY SCHOOL!?!?

I guess it's just another thing to wish for at 11:11...

Think thin! And don't be a fat ass like me! xoxo

♥, Mint.

P.s! Karolina, I read a bit of your blog and have followed you back! :) I really enjoy your words of encouragement and your writing style so I decided that we should be friends! lol E-mail me sometime! ♥♥