I went on a hike.

Today I accidentally went on a hike.

How does one accidentally go on a hike?

Well, when one thinks that the other is bluffing. That's how.

My roomie (I'm not even giving her a name, she'll forever just be roomie, or rookie because of auto-correct- depends on how lazy I am), is super active apparently. She's from Vancouver and I guess there's nothing to do there but hike (makes no sense). I thought she meant explore, like wander around. On flat ground.

So when she came into my room at about 2 asking if I wanted to join her for a hike, I thought that she meant explore. LIKE WALK AROUND ON FLAT GROUND FOR A BIT, MAYBE GET COFFEE AFTER.

As soon as I said sure she ran off, changed into sporty wear, put her hair up, and got a water bottle.

This didn't scare me because a lot of girls do this whenever they do something "athletic".

We hopped into her dad's van (she gets to keep it until her dad leaves on Monday- he's not staying with us by the way, that'd be weird lol) and away we went!

When we parked, on a slant, that didn't scare me; it's when we got out of the car and made our way to the trail opening that scared me. Because the people we passed, WERE FUCKING INTENSE.

LIKE MOUNTAIN GEAR AND WATER GALORE

PEOPLE COMING OUT OF THE TRAIL WERE DRENCHED

ALL FIT LOOKING AND THAT'S WHEN I REALIZED THAT THIS, THISSSSSSS WAS A FUCKING HIKE.

UP A FUCKING MOUNTAIN.

THIS HIKE TOOK US TWOOOOOOO FUCKINGGGGG HOURSSSSSS.

IT'S +30 DEGREES, MY HAIR IS DOWN, I'M WEARING JEANS BECAUSE OF GOD DAMN FUCKING SCARS (DO NOT CUT I SWEAR TO GOD. HATE YOURSELF ALL YOU WANT, BUT REMEMBER. THERE WILL BE MANY A TIME WHEN SHORTS ARE REALLY FUCKING NECESSARY. HEED MY WARNING. PUT DOWN THE RAZOR BLADE AND SCISSORS. SUMMER WILL END YOU IF YOU CAN'T WEAR SHORTS. AND ALSO IF YOUR ROOMIE IS AN ACTIVE PERSON, AND ASKS IF YOU WANT TO HIKE, SHE MEANS A REAL FUCKING HIKE. ABORT THE MISSION.

ABORTTTTTTTTTTTT

YOU CLIMB ALL THE WAY UP, FUCKING STEEP AS ALL HELL.

YOU CLIMB ALL THE WAY DOWN, STEEP AS FUCKING HELL.

THERE IS NO PART IN ANY HIKE THAT IS SAFE. I SAW A SNAKE.

THOUGHT IT WAS A BIG ASS WORM

NOPE.

MOTHER FUCKING SNAKE.

I DON'T GET WHY PEOPLE DO THIS. THERE WERE PEOPLE RUNNING

RUNNINGGGGGGGGGGGG

UP

THIS

HILL

WHAT-

WHY-

WHYYYY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF WILLINGLY?

OMG IF I WAS A REGULAR SMOKER IT'D BE SO MUCH WORSE

I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE

WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS THE OCEAN.

SALT, OOOOOOOZING FROM EVERY CREVASSE.

DRIPPING.

SWEAT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH WATER I DRANK, BUT I DO KNOW THAT I TOOK MY PANTS OFF AS SOON AS I GOT HOME.

ROOMIE WASN'T THERE, GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

THE POINT OF THIS POST IS THE FOLLOWING:

DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE GO FOR A HIKE.

EVER.

I AM TRAUMATIZED.

- Mint.