My thoughts pour down with the rain, as the streets are flooded with sadness.

Today I was sad.

And yesterday too I think.

Yesterday not so much though. I spent $600 on clothes, so I have no money for gas or food or anything until the 27th when I get paid. Ughhhh... bad decisions...

I've been stressing hard about school. Everything is piling up so fast, and all I do is run. It's good being busy, because it helps you avoid reality. I love it, but it's so fucking dangerous.

I haven't gone to school since last Wednesday. I went on campus today though.

For five minutes.

I walked to class, walked right past it, and then went back home.

Bought chocolate, a lot of chocolate (first binge since I can't even remember when), ate chocolate, tried to purge, remembered that I CAN'T FUCKING PURGE, read four chapters of the book that B sent me, fell asleep for three hours (I've never napped in my entire life), woke up, ate more chocolate, and now I'm sitting here admitting that I'm sad.

I hate campus. It's so scary. Like, it reminds me too much of first year. I hate it. I hate each step I take on that place. Certain places I hate more than others, but in general, I hate it. The memories... they're too strong. They're too close when I'm on campus.

Especially when I can see the building I lived in. I shudder at the thought.

The things that happened in that room. The thoughts that filled my mind. I can't be so close to the past.

Ughhhh, I need a smoke. I had one the other day actually! I was driving around at night, feeling sad and I was like, "I feel like I need something", and a cigarette was just that! Thank god those exist.

I think my life would be so much better if I could get out of taking French. Or if I somehow understood French and wasn't afraid to attend my classes.

Blah, I hope this feeling doesn't last. It's too scary. I don't want to be sad again.
Oh, and today felt like the first day of autumn.

- Mint.