Anger and Sadness

I'm sad today because I've been trying to get a handful of small tattoos for months now.

I usually get Sundays/Mondays or Sundays/Wednesdays off at work; and the parlour I go to is closed Sunday/Monday.

Shit's been busy, shit's been happening, but today, July 5th (the day I left Etown last year), everything was set.

I got my body all fresh and clean, I got an outfit that made me look NOT like a "super white girl", I looked through 100 types of font and typed each word into each chosen font (three words).

I went through the possibilities, discussed it, rearranged it using my graphic design software, phoned the parlour to see if they'd be able to take me (anxiety filled)... LIKE SHIT WAS PREPARED.

My mom (my ride), was finally ready and we get goin'.

This is already risky; Asking my mom for anything is risky because she's more insane than I am (she's lived longer).

Everything was alright though... like I could deal with it.

But then she needed to shower. I went out to smoke. Apparently she was banging and yelling for me because she forgot her razor and mine was on the counter (she didn't know)... so when she got out she was straight cranky.

She was already cranky because she spent a gazillion hours making phone calls about some pub shit and it had set the scene.

When we pulled out of the driveway shit got worse because our neighbours moved her garbage cans (she leaves them in front of our house so they don't park in front of it- it bothers her I guess).

So yeah... that happened. She was pissed. Driving like a maniac. I'm scared as fuck. Makes her more angry because I "don't trust her". Yet I've been in just a FEW car accidents.... damn.

Anyway. I ask her (before she even left the driveway actually) if we could stop, and go home. Because this isn't fun. I don't want to get ink injected into me for life with a cranky ass motherfucker, ya feel? Like those are bad vibes.

So I'm beggin' and beggin' and beggin' and she finally turns around and it's the scariest 5 mins of my life.

Fuck, I'm so sad and angry. I've waited sooooo fucking long.
I prepped today sooooo fucking hard.
I was soooo fucking excited.

I was also supposed to hang out with my ex-sorority friend A tonight, and she cancelled for like the third week in a row.

Everyone makes plans with me (they text first) and then something clears in their mind and they cancel or just don't text me... or reply.

I'm so lonely.

I wish I didn't pass out last week. I wish I got those pills. I wish I was fucking gone.

- Mint.