Disparaître.

Hi there,

I have a research essay for poetry class due on Tuesday.

Have I worked on it at all this weekend? Nope.

What have I done this weekend? Nothing.

Will I do anything at all productive before today is totally over? Nope.

I'm tiredddd, and as always, I don't want to be here.

I don't want to leave though either because then that means I have to go back home and work. "At what job?" you may ask. No job, that's what. I have no job and I'm stressing out over that more than my essay or my quickly approaching finals.

If I have no job for the summer it mean no money for school next year. And I need money so that I have a place to live. But where will I live? The person I was planning on living with next year bailed on me and everyone else I know (like 4 others because I hate people) already have roomie plans or aren't going back to school.

Personally, I don't even want to come back to school next year. "What do I want to do?" you ask. Nothing. I want to do nothing with my life. I just want to wait for death.

I'm too unhappy to make/care about friends and I hate myself too much to have any romantic relationship with anyone. I'm just too depressed to freaken do anything.

I was thinking the other day about positive things that could happen in the future, such as moving to France, or being really successful with my career. Did that excite me? Not one bit. I even imagined having a creative job instead, such as being a successful artist, actress, or musician. But still, nothing...

I'm too negative, and sad for life. All I want to do is wait for death; Not even that actually. Because that would require living until I'm old and even more ugly, and even more pathetic.

How does one live if one hates life?

Ugh... Just let me die.

- Mint.