This is the title, it is very informative indeed.

This last week has really sucked.

I broke my veganism (is that the right term?) and I guess I just didn't stop because I just have been eating and eating and eating...

I'm so tired too, and not thinking but thinking non-stop at the same time.

Earlier in the week I was being sorta reckless.

I was walking on the sidewalk and I knew I had to cross soon. I heard a truck speeding behind me and I just decided that I'd cross at that moment. It stopped obviously but it was really close. And I was sort of disappointed that it didn't keep going to be honest.

I've been driving really fast lately too. Not looking when I change lanes. Going through the lights before they've changed green. Not slowing down when I'm going around tight corners, down steep hills. It's icy. I should be careful.

The other night was terrible because I kept thinking of ways to end it. I was getting nervous, and quite frankly annoyed with my thoughts because I just wanted to sleep because sleep is always the better option.

I've been cutting too. Then ripping of the scabs to bleed some more.

Ummm...

School sucks. I don't know what to do about that. I'm about half a semester behind in everything.

People ask me, "Well why don't you do something else?" I don't do anything else because there's no possibility that would be remotely better.

I hate life. The only thing better than where I am right now is death. I want it so bad.

My mom's gone to Maui for a week, she drove to the city this afternoon and will fly out tomorrow morning. I was sort of disappointed when I found out that she made it safely to the city. If she was dead, then I would have no reason to stay here. Does that make me a terrible daughter?

My brother went missing again a few days ago. My parents were freaking out again. "It's cold outside! And he has no car! What if he freezes to death?" I would've been pissed if he had died. Because both children can't die, that would be rude... Anyway, it turns out he was at a dealer's house, spending all his money away.

Apparently he's going to rehab soon. Great.

This afternoon when my mom left, I ate everything in the house or spat on it, or just threw it out.

Tomorrow starts my week long juice fast. I better fucking stick to it. I better show some fucking strength.

When I first started binging this past week I was doing everything I could think of to stop it. I worked out, I drank waterwaterwater dietpopdietpopdietpop, punched my legs over and over, slapped my face multiple times and yeah. Still fucking binged.

Weak worthless waste of space.

I'm such a terrible person. I know I am. Wasting this life I have. Saying it's terrible when everyone has it so much worse. I know, I'm pathetic, but seriously.

When I heard about the Connecticut shooting I knew my heart should have dropped, I know I should have felt something, especially with Christmas coming up.

But nope.

Nothing.

- Mint.