Maybe I have said, something that was wrong; can I make it better, with the lights turned on?

Today I woke up, wasted the day, went to work, and came home.

When I came home I asked my mom how her day was.

Bad decision.

I guess my brother has been back into doing coke (did he ever stop?) and is sounding "suspicious". Also I guess he's returning some girls car to Regina for her and asked my dad if he could drive him back.

Apparently my dad said yes and told my mom that he'd give him some more money then.

My mom told him that maybe he shouldn't give him the money, and that maybe they should let him fall on his ass to learn what it's like to get back up.

This is the point in the conversation where I said, "Finally."

And then my mom went apeshit telling me how spoilt I am and how she knows that I have jealousy issues and to get over it. She continued by saying that she's told me too much and that she forgot that I'm an immature 19-year-old.

I told her that I'm not jealous and that I should know what's happening in our family, and then asked why I'm not allowed to know about anything. She just blew me off.

Great way to start my restricting.

If my brother gets into a huge mess again and my mom starts taking it all out on me again, I'll be cutting in no time. Which is really sad because I haven't cut since likeeee a month I think?

Today I probably had about 600 cals. I was aiming for 400 but work screwed me over.

Tomorrow is my fast day which I'm always excited for, at least I can do that right (usually).

Sometimes I realllllllly wish that my mom and I weren't so close. It's hard being with her when she's being such a bitch. But if I leave she'll be sad and I'll be sad. And I don't even know where I'd go. And I'd be all alone. And I'd end up killing myself, I know it.

Ugh, good day ruined.

♥,

Mint.