Fuck part three.

Kk so part 3 was about how I got in a car crash and my car had to get towed and the airbags went off so my car's a write-off now and I don't want to give it up because Betty-Loo's my baybaaaaaaay.

I was going to write in depth about it but I don't want to. I'm sick of trying to catch the past up to the present.

Because I want to talk about now.

I'm not in the best place right now.

I'm not cutting, I'm not fasting; I'm just feeling empty and anxious and scared and like I've ruined everything.

I wish I could start my whole life over, and do everything completely different. Opposite.

I've wasted so much time, so much money. I'm going down all the wrong paths and I'm trapping myself in my own walls.

Every time I feel that I can climb over them, smash through them, I take one step forward and just keep building higher. I don't get it.

I'm going home tomorrow for a few days. Even though I shouldn't because there's a huge snow storm, and because I have no money, and because my car's going to break down at any fucking minute…

I just have to go. My mind's chaotic again and all I can focus on is running.

I need to go home to see my mom, and my dog, and to finally have a good sleep in my bed, and to get my camera, and to get my passport so I can go to Oregon, and because I want to get meds.

Yes, I've come to this point. I've given up, and I need medication.

Cutting doesn't help, fasting doesn't help, drinking doesn't help, running doesn't help, drugs don't help.

A negative plus a negative doesn't help you towards positivity. And I'm sick of being scared of every goddamn thing. I'm sick of not being able to move forward. I just want to be able to do things, you know? I'd like to be able to sleep without nerves keeping me awake. I'd like to be comfortable going slow, I'd like to stop fucking running…

Hopefully it works. Hopefully this cures my fucked up head.

I'm not in a good place right now.

- Mint.