I went to this party last Friday because A) I was invited, and B) because I didn't really talk to anyone that was going and knew that it'd be an amazing opportunity to overcome anxiety.
I told my shrink about it and she agreed with it being something I should do. But I knew BB would be upset because I'm not supposed to be drinking/going out. I thought he'd understand that the main reason I'm going out was to overcome anxiety but he still wasn't happy. He said to do whatever I wanted and that's exactly what I did.
Turns out he had a really bad day at work too so it wasn't the best mix. This dick had been giving him a really hard time at work the last week or so and on Friday it escalated to the point where he tried to punch BB, missed, and then BB swung and of course didn't fucking miss lol
SOOOOO, he got kicked off the crew and had to find a way back to my place within the next 24 hours.
I can understand how having that happen in his day could heighten anger and frustration but STILL, what happened after was fucking retardedddd.
I spent a lot of the party talking to him on the phone outside, trying to think of ways to make his shitty day better, but when I tried everything I could think of and eventually became irritated because I was missing out on my opportunity, I got mad.
He'd keep phoning and texting me when I was trying to hang out with these people, and eventually he got sick of me ignoring him and then we were BROKEN UP lol like wtfffff.
I got pissed, like pissed to the max. Like, let me have a fucking life. Let me try to overcome shit that's been making me miss out on opportunities like this for yearzzzzz.
When I get pissed I yell. I don't mean to but it's just what I do; I also swear a lot more. And apparentlyyyy when other people do that it's like a big fucking deal so then he was all mad at that and was like STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME, STOP FUCKING SWEARING AT ME.
It was a big ordeal to say the least lol I was up till like 4 talking to him about it. I left the bar and everyone super early too because it just wasn't worth it.
It's funny too because he'd always be like I'M DONE TALKING TO YOU STOP. And then like 3 minutes later he'd like phone me again or say something else lol which tells me that he really didn't want the night to be the way it was.
ANYWAY, I woke up the next morning with like a gazillion missed phone calls and texts and we sorted shit out sorta. I know that he has a lot of reasons not to trust me (due to things I've done in the past, and things other people had done to him in the past) but STILLLLL he should just realize that he's the only one I want.
That aside, everything is good again lol I feel like I love him more and more each day. It's weird, kinda scary when things go wrong but still, I believe that we're meant to be.
We're figuring each other out in bed more and sex and kissing and basically every little aspect of our relationship just keeps getting better.
It's weird cause you feel like, this is it, this is how much I can love someone, this is the best it's going to be. But then nopeeeee all of a sudden you're in deeper than you were before.
Maybe distance is a good thing in a relationship sometimes; even though it's hard as fuckkkkk.
AWE LAST NIGHT, bae had a bad dream and he woke up crying and I felt so bad. I couldn't do anything to make him feel better and he of course didn't want to talk about it but it seriously broke my heart. He's got so many skeletons in his closet… I just want to rid his life of all of them, and sweep away the cobwebs of bad memories.
It's hard but I know that if he didn't have all those shadows and junk, he wouldn't be who he is today. Would he be the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with? No. So is it a good thing that he had all this bad stuff happen to him? I have no fucking idea.
I guess not, like if I do really love him I'd want him to be happy no matter what. So if I had the chance to go back in time and erase all the bad stuff from his life, even if it could mean him and I not existing in the future, I guess I'd do it.
- Mint.
No comments:
Post a Comment