2011 Failure.

Hi there,

It's me... I just wanted to say that I still, very much exist. And am very unhappy with basically everything.

I was originally going to make this post a "Hi, I'm still alive and a fat whore! Talk to you when I can look in the mirror and respect the girl that looks back!" post, but what the hell! I'm here, mind as well give you something to laugh at!

My holidays were terrible. It's way to hard to go back home for two weeks and then get forced back into your university cell...

My Christmas was me crying because I didn't want to leave, and eating and eating and eating and eating to try to make me feel something. Something other than sadness.

Christmas is way different when you don't live at home... It's terrible, and incredibly depressing.

AND THEN COMING BACK TO YOUR CAGE ON CAMPUS. T_T

terrible.

I'm so alone.

No one even cares whether or not I exist!

And I'm already waaaay behind in this semester... who's bright idea was it to have a full schedule and then take an extra course on top it? Oh yeah, and said course's pre-reqs include one of the courses that I'm currently taking.

i'm going to fail. i already have...

On a brighter note! I can easily fast 3 out of the 7 days in a week! Saturday, Sunday and Tuesday. And on days that I do eat, I only have a small lunch.

All I need is control, control, control. I need control.

I'm waaay too scared to step on the scale, but I think it's a good thing to avoid it. Whenever I do use my scale, I get WAY too obsessed and step on it almost every five minutes. Time goes sooo slow that way, which makes me impatient, which makes me binge. So no scale for a very long time.

Another thing, instead of having my new year's resolution be "get to my UGW" (because obviously that's always a priority) I've decided to steal Amaris' old one of eating no chocolate. Because that is my true weakness. Hopefully no chocolate will solve a lot of problems! No cookies, no chocolate milk, no chocolate bars, no nothing! If I do lose control, at least it won't be on fatty chocolate like in the past! But let's hope there aren't any binges in 2012...

I guess that's all I have to say now... I'm lonely, I'm sad, I'm fat, I'm stressed, and I'm a failure.

Yup, me me me. I'm so fucking selfish.

Love you all! ♥

Mint.