Seriously though.
And it's so hard, answering your phone, hearing someone you love so dearly, balling their eyes out.
Or talking to someone and having their emotions spill over in front of you.
It's hard. But I think it's harder when it's over the phone, because there is literally nothing you can do to comfort them.
Sure you can spew words into their ears, let them spew theirs back, but how does help at all really?
I'm lucky with boring friend. When she calls me and is in tears, I can go there and actually give her a hug or be in her presence, just so she has someone close.
With mom, it sucks because normally I'm so far away, but this week was good because she was actually here, in front of me… wow, that's sort of a morbid sentence there.
With B however, it's a very different story.
She calls me, in tears over her breakup and what can I do? Nothing. Fucking nothing.
My best friend is physically breaking and she has no one by her side. Her family is in a different town, her friends are all over the fucking place, no where remotely close, and I've never even been in a relationship so I have no fucking idea what to say.
She's blaming herself which makes no sense to me. She didn't do anything! Nothing that he feels now is her fault. She didn't change, he did.
He's the type of person who likes to avoid his problems by pretending that they're not there. But B, she can sense that there's stuff going on with him, and that it's bothering him. So she asks him what's up. But that makes him remember his problems, and I don't think he wants to think of them consciously.
I really think that he opted for the breakup because he could tell that B wasn't happy. And that if he couldn't make himself happy, how could he make B happy? I know he cares about her, even though he might not show it in the ways that he should, and so, if B isn't happy, if he couldn't make her happy, because he's not happy, then he saw breaking up as a way to potentially make her happy in the long run.
Which is a dumb decision because it's tearing her apart. I wish it was easier to deal with one's problems, but it's not so you can't hate him too much because I really do think he just wants her to be happy…
ANYWAY, it's hard because I just want my best friend to be happy! I don't want her all alone and crying! No one should be lonely when they feel so crappy. I wish she'd believe me when I said that she did nothing wrong, I wish she didn't have to feel everything she's feeling, I wish she could see the future and be happy for what's going to happen, I wish she was here, I wish I was there, I wish we were together.
I wish life wasn't so hard, and that bad things didn't happen to good people.
I'm so sorry B, I really wish I could help. I'm no good with this sort of advice. I hear you crying and all I can do is laugh in hopes of you maybe breaking out of the clouds and laughing with me. Because honestly, I really don't know what to say.
Your heart must be shattered, your stomach must be sinking. Your eyes red, your nose red, your body weak and empty.
Blahhhh, I just wish I could help! I wish I could live your pain for you, you know? I wouldn't mind, I swear to god! Just send it on over!
In the mean time, read the funny book I lent to you, and try to keep yourself distracted. Time will come and go and one day you'll be okay, I promise. Things will get better, even though everything's just so fucking flipped over and upside down, fucked every which way.
Call me anytime though, like I said I have this week off, I won't be doing shit all really. Call me, and I'll always try my best; even though I know it's not good enough, I'll always try!! <3
- Mint.
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