I'm going to try to make this short but I doubt that I'll succeed.
The past 10 days have been interesting to say the least. I've had a few car and cop troubles, most def.
Here's part 1:
I was supposed to get fro-yo with Dill on Valentine's day, but I guess I must've gotten a flat tire whilst driving back from the airport after dropping off the roomie for reading week. That really irked me because Dill had a family supper to go to so we just cancelled.
I was so mad. And I changed the fucking tire (I'm so experienced now, I've done a total of 3) then decided I deserve a fucking drink. I went back upstairs to my apartment (luckily I found the flat whilst still in my parking garage), got my rum, went to get mix andddddd, NO MIX.
AREEEEEE YOU FUCKING KIDDINGGGGGGG. So I went back downstairs, drove around a bit to make sure the wheel was fine/have a smoke and then got some mix, more smokes, and a little Valentine's day thing for Dill because she was still planning on coming over to watch a movie or something after her dinner.
I got back home, made a killer drink, watched some youtube and as my buzz started buzzing, I thought, FUCK IT. I'M GETTING FUCKING HAMMERED.
I had two more of "Mint's Master Mixes" (a shit ton of hard liquor with a little pop), texted my neighbour to see what he was doing (he was getting drunk with some friends and then going out so I invited Dill and I over and he said that'd be cool), told Dill to BUCK THE FUCK UP because weez goin' out, and then drove to her place at around 9.
I was already really drunk by the time I went out to get her, so I decided to fill up my flask with B's SHITTY COCONUT RUM THAT SHE GOT ME LAST YEAR, so that Dill could catch up while we went back to my place.
Turns out though that her family dinner was actually a HUGE family dinner party. They were all fucking wasted already! Which was very handy. Dill loved that I got her a Valentine's day thing (it was like a little Hello Kitty chocolate thing for 2 bucks) and her family all thought that my flask was fucking stellar too; they loved the collapsable shot glass that came with it.
So what we ended up doing (pay attention now kiddies because you're about to learn something AMAZING) is we poured the coconut rum into a plastic zip-lock and put it into Dill's bra. That way, you can bring it to the clubs without the metal detectors finding it in a flask in your bra or a bottle in your purse.
VERYYYY USEFUL INFORMATION THAT.
We did that and then shared a cab with her sister and sister's boyfriend to get to downtown. The rest of the night is kinda boring. We went club hopping (Friday's aren't the best night's to go out, especially on V-day), met some guys at this pub who said they could score us some coke, but they took too long to get it and they were boring and I didn't want to go to their place, so Dill and I peaced and just crashed at her guy friend's place.
BORING.
The next morning my dad went with me to get my tire fixed and then we had breakfast and that was niceeeee.
That night I also went and got fro-yo with Dill. We were going to go out-out but we decided that we really had no money to be dong that.
Before that though we smoked a joint and I got really fucking anxious again (will I ever learn?). And when we were driving back to her place (I drove) I was at that point where like, you suddenly realize that you don't remember how you got from block A to block B. That's really scary because suddenly, while we were waiting in a turning lane, this woman pulled up beside us and was like, YELLING at us through her window.
Dill tried to undo her window but it was locked I guess, and I couldn't figure out how to unlock it. The lady kept yelling and Dill said her face looked concerned, I thought it looked pissed as hell, so when we finally turned, and she went straight, we pulled over right away to check out the car.
Dill thought that she was yelling at us because maybe our trunk was open, or a tire was flat. But the car seemed fine. I was scared that maybe I had fucking HIT someone, but realistically I probably just majorly cut her off or was going like 30 km/h.
EITHER WAY, this did not help my anxiety, AT all. I was fucking freakinggggg. So I made Dill drive the rest of the way back to her place.
Once we got to her place and finished our fro-yo, I realized that I had made plans with the boring friend so I had to drive AGAIN. I was more calmed down by then but I was still freaking. So I splashed my face with cold water and told myself, "You're sober, you're sober, you're sober"
I started driving really fine. I was listening to music, having a grand ol' time! BUT THEN, I was rounding a corner and saw in some bushes, in a back road, a cop with its lights flashing. My heart started racing again, as I made sure I was going the correct speed (which I actually was for once). I kept looking at the cop to see if maybe I had done something wrong, but it was just sitting there, all by itself, with its lights going.
"Huh," I thought as I drove by and noted that it didn't start following me, "that was weird."
I kept going and then at a set of lights, parked on the side, WAS ANOTHER FUCKING COP CAR, WITH THEIR GODDAMN LIGHTS FLASHING. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. IT DIDN'T HAVE ANYONE PULLED OVER, IT WAS JUST SITTING AT THIS RED LIGHT, PARKED TO THE SIDE, WITH ITS LIGHTS GOING.
I inched up to the the red light, praying that it'd change before I had to come to a full stop and wait for the longest minute of my life. It changed, thank god.
I watched the cop through the rearview mirror to make sure it didn't follow me, and it didn't thank god again.
At this point I'm fucking flipping. "Omg omg omg, I probably hit someone. I hit someone and didn't even realize. And that bitch was yelling at me because she saw it. And she got my license plate number and omg she reported me. And now they're on the look out for me and now they found me and are cornering me in and then I'm going to end up at a road block and omg omg omg what do I do, I can't go to jail."
I drive a block to the next light which is red and BOOM, ANOTHER FUCKING COP PULLED OVER WITH ITS LIGHTS GOING. This time though they were on the intersecting street so I felt a bit better.
"You're sober you're sober you're sober. Everything is fine and you've done nothing wrong."
I was sitting at this light. Trying to look relaxed. Trying not to stare down the cops to my left. Trying to be casual. But the song that was playing. Omg I hated it. I wanted to change it so bad.
"But," I thought, "what if they see me and pull me over for distracted driving? AND THEN THEY FIND OUT THAT I'M THE ONE THEY'RE LOOKING FOR BECAUSE I HIT A PERSON AND BECAUSE I'M HIGH AND OMGGGG."
It was such a bad song though!! So I incognito-ly reached for my phone and changed the song as I was panicking internally hahaha omg I'm so dumb.
After that I saw no more cops and made it back to the highway and eventually to my friend's place!
She never has any open parking stalls in her parking garage so I usually park in the handicap stall. This time though, when I did it there was a guy at the elevator fucking WATCHING ME DO IT.
"Fuck." I thought, "Hopefully he's gone by the time I slowlyyyy get out of the car so that I don't have to say something about it. Because I'm definitely going to have to say something, HE FUCKING WATCHED ME DO IT."
So I slowly gather my shit from the car, right? And slowlyyyyy walk on over. But no dice, he's there and I have to say something.
"Hey, don't tell anyone that I'm the ass who takes the fucking handicap stall alright?"
He laughs as we walk into the elevator, "Nah, I won't tell on you!"
Shit. As soon as he opens his mouth I know, I KNOWWWWW, that he was one of the guys from last night! The guys who were supposed to score Dill and I some coke! AND I AM WEARING THE EXACT SAME FUCKING OUTFIT.
"OMGGGGGGG" I think as I prepare myself for the most awkward elevator ride of my life. "Just don't say anything, just look down, just look down."
"Uh hey, were youuuu…." he starts, "at O'Flaniggan's last night?"
"Yeahhhhh," I not full of shame, "that was meeeeeee…"
We both laugh and I'm like, "FUCK. As soon as you opened your mouth, I was like, 'omg, is that-?'"
He laughed again, "Yup! It was you and that other girl right? What did you end up doing after?"
"We just ended up crashing. What about you, did you ever get your shit?"
"Yeah, we were up until like 7 or something."
The door opens, thank GOD he doesn't live on the same floor as my friend, "Well nice seeing ya again!" he says as he gets out.
"Yeah, I'll see you around!"
OMGAH THAT WAS FUCKED. I've never seen a person that I've met in a bar before just out and about you know?
SO I get to my friend's, tell her about my crazy adventure to her place and ask what she wants to do. She originally wanted to watch a movie but now she was leaning towards drinks. Which I was so down with because I was still kinda skittish.
She even gave me a drink while she was getting ready which really fucking helped my nerves.
We ended up going to the pub near where we live and had bellinis (they were on special) and appies and then she was done by midnight.
I didn't want to go to sleep though! I was ready to party and decided, "HOO CAREZ EEF I HAZ NO MONEYZ" so I texted literally everyone I know to see who would go out with me but no diceeee :( which is probably a good thing because I ended up passing out at 1.
So there's part 1! I'll post part 2 tomorrow probably! Fuck this week was insane looking back...
- Mint.
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