Wow I haven't blogged in so long, let's try to catch up.

1. B came for her visitttttt. She was supposed to stay for 4 weeks, but we went too hard and she only had enough money for 2 weeks. I was really sad when she left :( It's odd how fast you get used to having someone by your side 24/7. When she left, we were on shaky terms, but it still felt like hell going home alone.
2. I'm selling drugs now. That's cool.
3. T and I had been hanging out every so often and texting a lot. We even slept together, he was my first. But then one day I was selling him some shit and I scratched his car and now he hates me. He'll reply to my texts to be polite, but there's no real conversation. We don't hang out anymore. Like fuck.
4. Do you remember that one time in September when I passed out in the parking lot in front of my apartment and these guys found me and took me in for the night? Well I saw the guy one night when B and I were out and I ended up going home with him and fooling around. It turns out that he's a real fucking dick though and he called B fat and I was fucking pissed. No one has no right to say anything about anyone's body. Like, that's personal. And none of your fucking business. So anyway, this week I went out to the club with him and his friends. Ended up leaving really early with his roommate, slept with his roommate in HIS FUCKING BED, stole 80 bucks off his dresser, and took the mother fucker's whiskey. No one calls my bitch fucking nothing.
5. I also slept with this aussie that T doesn't like yesterday morning. I woke up really early and just wanted to cuddle someone so I texted him and he said to come over and then one thing led to another and then yup, I slept with him. We actually blend really well and he seems like a pretty good guy so there's that.
6. Oh I went to a bar by myself earlier this week. So pathetic I know, I'm getting to that.
7. I also met this group of guys the day after St. Patty's and I went to their place after the pub and just chilled and drank and shit. They're all best friends from Calgary but they're all really funny and they thought I was funny and I got to become part of their crew. One of the guys (he's a leo too) really interested me, and when everyone went to bed we stayed up for a couple of hours just talking about philosophical shit and then ended up making out and stuff.
8. B and I were drunk for 30 hours straight one day when she was here hahaha it was fucking amazing. We were so fucked it was hilarious. MAAM, MAAM THIS MCCHICKEN SAUCE IS NOT FOR YOU MAAMMMM. OH MY SWEET SALLY'S FUCKING WEENIES.
9. Oh we also went to this arcade thing that's here and we played mini golf and I'd never done that before so that was cool. I fucking suck at it lmao we also rode go karts (I rock at that), and rode a roller coaster simulator and that was sweet too lol
10. OHHHH WE ALSO WENT TO THIS BAR AND SAW LIVE MUSIC AND GOT A FREE CD AND GOT IT SIGNED AND SHIT
11. WE ALSO WENT TO A COMEDY NIGHT
12. I also tried to run out on my tab at this one place but I forgot to tell B that that's what I was doing and she got so mad lol drunk Mint is a fucking bitch.
13. B AND I ALSO WENT TO MULTIPLE PARKSSSSS AND PLAYED ON SWINGS AND TEETER TOTTERS AND CLIMBED UP ON THIS TALL THING AND WATCHED THE SUN SET. SO ROMANTIC.
14. We also ate so much fucking pizza omg. But somehow I lost 5 pounds.
15. I miss you B… :(
16. Oh I crashed my car again while I was driving back to Alberta. It was one in the morning, the roads were shit, no one was on the roads, and when I crashed I had no service. That was fucking scary. But I got a ride from a semi driver, slept in a hotel room all by myself, got my car towed in the morning, realized that my car was fucked, got mom to come get me, bought a new car while in Alberta because I needed to get back to Kelowna to work after a couple of days. Which sucked because I miss my old car soooo much. I'm still in love with it.
17. The reason I went to AB in the first place was because I was going crazy and I told my mom that I wanted a pill to help with my anxiety. I went to a walk in and the dr said that I'd need to find a family dr in Kelowna so that I can be properly diagnosed and so that they can play with prescriptions. But she gave me a prescription for this one anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication just so that I had something started. But now it's 3 weeks later and I still haven't gone to see the dr. I'm too fucking scared. Embarrassed. I feel like I'm not sick enough for help. I'm fine I'm fine I'm fine. I'm just a fucking wimp, you know?
18. The medication made me feel really nauseous, drowsy, and gave me a dry mouth in the beginning. So whenever I went to work I was so fucking thankful for my coffee. But then we got a new manager who was a bitch and changed everything which is dumb and she said you can't have coffee in the front. So I tried to live without it but I couldn't so I quit lolol
19. I wasn't really afraid of quitting because I had signed up for a bar tending course. So I really don't need retail behind me, even though you should never quit on the spot. Oh well. Anyway, I've been too nervous to show up for my course… The instructor said I could come the week after, but that came and went. I told him straight up that my anxiety was getting the better of me and that I really don't want to do it, and that it's fine. He reassured me though and so I'm going to my first class tomorrow. He said that there's only 2 other girls in there so hopefully they're nice. Hopefully I can get my ass to class tomorrow. Fingers crossed…
20. Oh that guy that I met in number 7, he spent all his cash on college night at this club we were at and legit had no way to get home. His friends all flew, but he was waiting to buy his greyhound ticket because he wasn't exactly sure when he was wanting to leave. BUT YEAH, HE SPENT ALL HIS MONEY AND I THOUGHT, HEY, I'LL DRIVE YOU. 8 HOURS THERE, 8 HOURS BACK. SURE. GOOD KARMA POINTS. GOOD GRACIOUS HEART. It made me feel like a really good person, but hopefully I get something back from all of this.
21. I went out on Friday night with Dill and Morgan but I ended up passing out in the cab on the way there so my friends asked them to bring me back home while they went out. I was soooo black out drunk I have no idea how that happened. The cab cost 36 bucks apparently so I was so pissed because I thought that my friends made me pay for both ways. Which wasn't the case apparently because Morgan told me that they payed for the ride down. So I def got screwed over somewhere.
22. Morgan and Dill always use my computer for FB when they're here and always forget to log out so I always peak through their messages because I'm a bad fucking person. Anyway, I found out the Morgan was really fucking pissed at me for that night because apparently after every time we go out together I act like a passive-aggressive bitch. And apparently if we do something that wasn't in "my" plan. I bitch about it after. Which makes no sense because I always want a fucked up night of running around. That's how you meet people, that's how you go on adventures. It just hurts reading that sort of stuff you know? Reminds me of high school. But like, it's my fault for reading it. I created my own pain here. But it just makes me feel lonelier than ever.
23. I'm chaotic right now. It's the perfect way to describe it. I'm a flame. And I'm out of control right now. I'm a fucking forest fire. Engulfing everything in flames. Destroying everything I love, everything I hate. Mindlessly running, mindlessly acting. Nothing makes sense.
24. Roomie is leaving in a couple weeks and I have to find someone else to live with me. My uni friends are leaving soon for the summer because school is over. Saydee is gone. T hates me. Dill and Morgan are leaving at the end of August for Van and I probably won't because A) They hate me B) I'm broke as fuck. Even if the aussie does seem awesome and everything's cool with him, he's leaving back to Australia at the end of summer too. Like legit I'm here alone. And I have no money. And no plan. And I'm flipping the fuck out. And I'm so scared to do anything. And I'm so alone. I'm so alone. I'm so alone, someone help me…
25. I need a drink.