HALLELUJAH!

Hi,


I have a lot to say but I don't want to say it because I'm tired and stressed.

Which is weird because a blog is meant to destress you but whatever, apparently I'm just useless.

I just wanted to showwwwww youuuuuuu thissssssss!!!H!UIGB!EHLGE!IUG!UIUE!

YES THAT'S CORRECT

I

MINT THE FATSO HAVE FINALLY REACHED THE 120S

FINALLY

AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE AND ANGUISH AND DEFEAT

I AM HERE

BY EATING HOT DOGS AND PIZZA AND EVERYTHING 2011 MINT WOULD SCREAM AT.

Don't get me wrong here, it's not like I'm gorging myself with all this shit. It's that I eat one meal a day, and I haven't binged in at least a solid year.

My weight isn't yo-yoing from weeks of fasting followed by binging because I didn't reach my goal. My weight is stable because of me not starving.

Some days I eat a bit more, some days I eat a bit less.

Some days I eat hot dogs with the buns, other days I just eat a salad, other days still I skip eating because I'm too busy drinking.

It's amazing. I've never looked at myself this much before. Not because I'm beautiful now (oh god no, I'm the furthest thing from that) but because I don't believe I'm this tiny.

I have a natural pear shape so I've got the hips and the butt. These are the parts I've always hated the most, and the parts that have hardly ever changed throughout my years of battling my reflection.

BUT NOW? Things are moving. I have underwear that is getting too big for me. Like wtf?

I'm a size 8 in pants now which is the smallest I've been since December 2011. I can even fit into the jeans I've saved from grade 9 before said hips and butt smacked me in the face. They're a size 7 and I haven't been able to get them on/zipped up since grade 9. Since I was 14!! 9 years ago!!!!

Also, I am sooooo close to my thigh gaaaaaaaaaap! Ugh, it's driving me insane. Literally, there's one tiny spot where my thighs touch and it's the lightest kiss they could give. If I wiggle even the slightest while my feet are together, I'm telling you, those thighs are fucking apart.

My top was usually tiny but now it's like, pretty tiny hahaha ALL of my tops are too big. Even the tops I had in the back of my closet for those brief skinny times I've had are too big. It's awesome but because of the insane bagginess paired with my huge bottom half, it makes me look just as big as before and I hateeee it. It's so not fair.

Holy shit, I'm looking at the goals I have written on the side here and I'm almost at GW 2!! I forgot I had a GW 2 hahaha I thought it went 130, 125, 120, 115. But that's cute of me, giving me some pride for properly being in the 120s.

Also, I'm actually 5'9, not 5'8. Technically I'm 5'8 and three quarters but BMI wise and shit, it makes more sense to put 5'9. I should update that probably since I'm not at an embarrassing weight anymore hahaha

I seriously can't believe I'm here. A weight I've been chasing for like 8 years at least. I'm like fucking 4 pounds away from being classified as underweight. Right? 125 was underweight for me? I can't remember...

The key here for me is to not get too obsessed. Sometimes I can feel myself slipped by weighing myself multiple times a day, or trying to eat less and less, but I've just got to distract myself and I'll just keep motoring along!

I will admit though that some foods have been giving me anxiety lately. And sometimes I get binge-like cravings. Or I'll start eating something and then spit it out because I suddenly feel that it's not worth the calorie-intake. So I should be cautious of that too.

Side-note: I can't remember how this came up in conversation but I was explaining to our friend Jordan about how I look at food as a number in a sense. And so I was telling him how it can get obsessive like for making a salad (see 2011's "La Salade"). To get my point across more I just kept prattling off more numbers matching to more foods until I ran out of breath and in the end he thought it was the weirdest thing in the entire world. Which is weird to ME because it seems like the most normal thing in the world. Food translates to numbers. It's not hard, it's easy to remember. It's just a different language I was brought up with (I'm bi-linguini-al, LUUUUUUL).

Anyway, that's about all I have to boast about. It's 2 in the morning right now so I should probably try to go to sleep now. My anxiety has been really bad at night since my suicide attempt, only when I have to go to sleep alone though (which is most days since BB works nights *sad face*).

BUT YEAH, LOVE YOU ALL EVEN THOUGH NO ONE READS THIS ANYMORE

(please come back I thrive on attention)

- Mint.