Don't judge me.

Okay, so today my brother admitted himself to the hospital.

T__T

He was supposed to go to the doctor to ask for a note saying that he was allowed to miss work for counseling.

Instead, the doctor was asking him the routine questions: Are you feeling stressed? Yes. Are you feeling depressed? Yes. Do you feel suicidal?

And because my brother is more dramatic than a 13-year-old girl who has just been dumped by her first ever boyfriend, he said yes.

So that he can get a pat on the head, a band-aid over his non-existent booboo, and a reason to avoid work.

My mom is furious because she wants him to deal with his shit. You know, face reality, pay his bills, maybe get up off his ass and wash his own goddamn dishes.

My dad is annoyed because, "You know, I'm stressed too. I don't understand why he would pull this shit when I'm this stressed." my dad has no reason to be stressed. The company my brother works for bought the company my dad works for and he just doesn't like change.

And me?

I'm pissed right the fuck off. One does not say that they are suicidal as a way to avoid work. That's disrespectful, that's lazy, that's disgustingly aragent.

I know that my brother isn't suicidal, so please don't think I'm being a bitch.

There has been no change in his behavior since, ever. He's been hanging out with friends (like always), watching tv shows and laughing his ass off, he showers, he eats, he's fine.

I know he doesn't cut or scratch or burn or punch because he walks around in his boxers a lot (unfortunately), and I've never heard him say one negative thing about himself, ever.

He does not feel like a burden in our household (obviously since he has mess everywhere, never cleans up, never says thank you, and is always canceling the recordings on our shows to record his shows) and he feels no guilt.

It pisses me off because he has no idea, how much self-hate it takes to hurt yourself. Or needing to cut yourself to get rid of at least some of the numbness, even if it's just for a little while. He has absolutely no idea what it's like to feel guilty for being alive, guilty for taking up space, breathing.He doesn't know what it's like to need death so badly, that waiting is no longer an option.

So I'm sorry, to anyone who has ever had suicide as an option, on behalf of my pathetic brother. He really should show some more respect in my eyes.

In other news, I almost binged today but when I heard about my brother, I decided that I really don't deserve any food. My heart wants it, my head, does not.

I'm losing about a pound a day from soup fasting, and that makes me happy. But I'm not losing it quick enough, why did I allow myself to get this fat?

Think thin!

♥,

Mint.

P.s yay 30 followers!! c: