I am shook.
LOOOL
But seriously though, let's begin:
If you know me in real life you probably know I have a slight addiction to youtube. I'm not "deep" into it, but I am subscribed to a lot of 1 million plus content creators and watch it like every day.
Due to the fact that I've been watching some channels religiously since 2009, I've watched a lot of people grow up in a way.
Specifically, youtube's first family, the Shaytards.
For those of you who don't know, "Shaytards" is a vlog channel that Shay Carl Butler started back in October of 2008. Originally, Shay stated that the channel was to do whatever he wanted with, as opposed to his first channel, "shaycarl" which was meant for sketch comedy. In the beginning, Shay posted videos that he recorded while working as a radio DJ, videos regarding his diet, and other random snippets from his life. But on March 5th 2009, he began a project where he committed to blogging everyday, the last year of his 20s.
Within this year we got to know the whole family; Shay, Colette (then named Katilette or mommytard), and their three kids: Gavin (sontard), Avia (princesstard), and Emmi (babytard). The extended family is also online, but don't really need to be discussed right now.
Fast forward almost 8 years of vlogging and here we are.
Shay lost over 100 pounds, ran multiple marathons; the family moved to California, back to Idaho, back to California, and back to Idaho; created a company with some internet friends, sold the company to Disney for like $500 million; had another son, Brock (rocktard) and then another son after that, Daxton (brotard); lost their dog Malachi, got a new dog, Zeke, found another dog, Blondie; made a documentary; released music videos; wrote a book; made a clothing company; bought a fucking mountain; created their dream home; etc. etc. etc!
Growing up lonely, this was my family. They made me laugh, they made me cry, and they encouraged me to keep going.
Shay and Colette were my picture of true love. The story was that Shay first saw Colette perform in a play, and the moment he saw her he told the friend that he was with that he was going to marry her. AND HE PURSUED HER AND MARRIED HER AND THEY WENT THROUGH TOUGH TIMES TOGETHER AND RAISED ADORABLE KIDS AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
On June 20th, 2016 Shay opened up about his struggle with alcoholism on his and Colette's podcast, "When The Kids Go To Sleep". This was a big deal because him and his family are all Mormon, meaning they're supposed to abstain from drinking. It's also a big deal because when a person vlogs, people begin to feel like they knowwwww them. So finding something like that out makes people feel betrayed.
Personally, I suspected it. I've been watching since like May 2009 and was like, there is NO way this dude didn't go to all these parties where everyone is TRASHED and just like, somehow magically end up with a very red face and a volume 3 notches higher than normal. No way.
But I still appreciated him and Colette opening up about it, and showing vulnerability on the web. Especially since I have some family members that fight with substance/alcohol abuse. The further the vlogs progressed, the more real they seemed to become. More human.
BUT WHAT HAS RECENTLY COME TO LIGHT IS DIFFERENT. MUCH DIFFERENT.
Apparently, Shay Carl is a dirty little cheater. And I mean dirty.
I won't go into details because it's been written about/talked about like a million times already. But basically, this adult cam girl named Aria Nina tweeted screen caps of some extremely sexual DMs that she received from Shay (which are now deleted). This happen on SUNDAY aka two fucking days from Valentine's day.
This was the most helpful video I found regarding the matter, and unlike other articles/videos regarded the matter, it actually includes the screen caps Aria had posted on twitter, and damn I was not expecting to read what I read.
The one part that made me laugh was when he said that she'd be riding/straddling his beard LOOOL LIKE EWWWWW GRODYYYYYY, BEARDTARD SICK MANNNNN.
Aria apparently has videos of him beating it too which is a very disturbing image, I must admit.
After all these allegations Shay posted a letter onto twitter saying that he's been struggling the past three months and had started drinking again. He said his main focus right now is rehab and that he'll be staying away from the internet (obviously).
This scandal broke my heart. I mean, I know how shitty I felt when I found/read the messages of BB cheating on me. It makes you feel mad, sad, hurt, uncomfortable, betrayed, lost, confused, hopeless, all the bad feelings pretty much. But that's just ME reading it, and it only affecting ME.
Imagine having your husband outed to like, the WORLD. Everyone can read what he said. Everyone knows that your husband has been sneaking around your back, in PLAIN. SIGHT.
If you stay with him, everyone's going to call you an idiot and maybe even look down on you for it.
What do you do? You have a family together; 5 impressionable children. And you know that everyone at their school is going to know what happened. Fuck, even the parents are going to know. Can you imagine? Right before the fucking DAY OF LOVE. That's gotta hurt.
Shay was my father figure I feel (my own personal dad is dumb and non-existent), and to find out that your dad acted like that is a really gross feeling. He's supposed to be good, wholesome, clean, and more importantly, a good influence. If he's just as gross and nasty as the rest of the fuckboys out there, what is a girl supposed to do?
I thought that BB did what he did because he was a bad person. Well not a bad person, but like, BB was a sociopath, so he treated me bad with no remorse.
But if father of the year, Shay Carl, ends up cheating via the internet just like everyone else, where's my faith in humanity?
WHAT. IS. LOVE?
My heart hurts. I feel like everything's a lie.
I already have low self-esteem, and have been cheated on multiple times by the one person who's ever shown any interest in me. If even picture-perfect relationships end up like this, what are the chances that I could ever end up happy and trusting ever again?
Yes I know that the internet is only a WINDOW into people's lives, no matter how much they show. I know that "picture-perfect" is just that, but it doesn't change my feelings on what has happened.
My heart hurts, that's the simple truth.
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