Proud?

Yesterday, I realized how much I've re-emerged myself into this world.

It was a bad day calorie-wise, but let me explain...

I had about 500 calories yesterday.

• Salad at Subway (75 at most)
• 2 cups of watermelon (about 92)
• Gingersnaps (300)

The gingersnaps mark my wanna-be binge.

I had to actually force myself to eat them. I had a strong will to throw them out but I forced them into my mouth, chew chew swallow.

After that I told myself, "Okay, I'm going to binge now. What should I eat?"

I went straight to the bread, one loaf was starting to get mouldy, "Yes! I can throw it out!"

I put two pieces of the other loaf into the toaster, "I'll have peanut butter and jam on it." I take out the unopened jar of peanut butter, open in it, immediately spit in it, then throw the jar into my garbage.

The toast pops up, "I'll have butter instead of the peanut butter."

I open the cupboard, skip the butter all together and just put on jam. A thin layer.

I pick up one of the pieces, take a small bite, chew, chew, stop. chew, chew. I can't make myself swallow. I run to the pantry and get a plastic bag, spit.

I couldn't make myself eat it! I chewed and spat out the rest of the toast, finishing my so called binge.

My mom came home from work really upset, she made guacamole, and ate some dark chocolate. I couldn't make myself eat any of it.

And that's good, really good. I mean, to not be able to eat it? That means I'm really back for good.

Right now I just want to become comfortable in my own clothes again. I hate being fricken obese...

Today will be alright, skipped breakfast, it's very likely that I could skip lunch too. Supper is a salad.

Think thin!

♥,

Mint.