Happy holidays and all that jazzzz

Today is Christmas and I received a few books and a few candles.

Which is all very nice and lovely and I'm not complaining at all because the books are books I want to read, and the candles are scents I specifically picked out. Except for one candle... and it smells yuck to be quite frank.

The most important part is that my mother liked the painting I painted for her (I painted van Gogh's Starry Night and it's amazing, it really is, I'm so proud of it).

I still have to paint the painting that I'm giving to my dad, which is fine because he's not here until tomorrow so I'm not even late technically, and I have to paint something for my brother's birthday which is on the 29th.

This is an odd way to segue into what I want to talk about next so just bare with me, I'm running on little sleep.

I was thinking about 2014 and returning to Kelowna once again (this seems to be a thought that I'm obsessing over a lot for good reason), and I decided that I want to spend a lot of time in the library, and on the coast, and in the trails. I want to spend time with friends doing nothing really. I want to be with them, but I want to be reading beside them or writing, or painting, while they study or do whatever they want to do.

I know I probably won't do any of this because I'll become sad and scared and lock myself up in my room to contemplate suicide; but it's a good thought. You know? A good picture to run towards.

I want to spend the next few months deep in thought. I want to explore myself more than ever; and since I don't have any major stressing priorities, I should be able to manage it, and learn a bit.

I want to explore TEDTalks, and learn about psych because I want to, not because I have to. You know?

I feel like living this way for a while will be eye-opening. Because I've never lived like this before.

I hope to get a job at the coffee shop that's a block away so that way I'll be able to walk to work and enjoy nature twice daily.

I find that when I have to do something for work as opposed for pleasure, I'm much more likely to do it without any anxiety whatsoever. Which is good because I like walking, and it'd help me walk other places by myself as well.

Anyway, I just wanted to mention those thoughts. Hopefully depression doesn't take over. I'd really appreciate it.

- Mint.