It's 11:11, make a wish.

Had a productive day of self-destruction.

Cutting this morning, and purging this evening.

Lovely.

It's really because I'm lonely and sad and scared of life really.

Which I've already gone over multiple times.

So I'll skip my moaning and complaining this time.

I cut mainly because I was in the bathroom, ready to take a shower, and I saw my scissors, just sitting on the counter, beckoning. I have no idea what they were doing there, but I figured that cutting and then immediately showering would take care of the bloody mess, depending on how deep I cut.

So I cut, not very deep since I haven't in forever and don't really want to make a habit out of it. But yeah, I cut 10 times apparently and then hopped right in.

I purged later on when my mom was out (yay for second successful purge ever! Not.) because I was thinking about the future and it made me feel sick and uncomfortable and I just had to get some food out.

I don't like purging. It's so sad.

Last night, after writing my last post, my mom started getting mad at me for being unhappy. And she was saying things like, "Would you go see someone about this? I'd go with you if you wanted." and, "What about anti-depressants?"

And it's like wow. She's never mentioned these things before. I've been depressed for like 5 years straight, and she just realizing now that I'm not a big ball of sunshine? It's so weird.

Anyway, of course I'm not going to see someone. I'm a psych student after all. Why would a magician pay to watch his own show?

And I'd never take drugs. Never ever. I just don't want to get into it.

But yeahhhhh. Now you're all updated again! Good for you! Good for me for updating! Hurray!

- Mint.