Hair loss and Nervousness.

"I pulled out my ponytail, ran my fingers through my hair and all of this came out. I think my hair is falling out again."

"How do you know? Maybe you're shedding or something."

"No... I keep track of these things."

"Is it as bad as before?"

"Well no, obviously not since I'm just noticing it now."

"Well then that's good!"

"But this is exactly how it started."

"Yeah but it's not where it was before!"

"Yeah, because if it's not at its peak, then everything's fine."

"Yeah!!"

...

Today was a bad day as far as anxiety goes. Well actually, it was super super bad.

Normally my anxiety comes out in my mini panic attacks (usually only in the evening), insomnia, or in the form of major social anxiety.

But today my body was like, "HEY! Wouldn't it be fun to feel super fucking nervous, all goddamn day!?"

It was like in high school, when your class has presentations due. You're just sitting there, knowing that you're going to have to stand up in front of the whole fucking class and talk about something you have no interest in, in a matter of minutes. You don't know when you'll be called but ohhhhhhh yess, you will be called, and you will go up there.

You start off with this feeling in your stomach; as if you're carrying a brick or a fucking black hole in there. Then as time goes by, and presentation after presentation is completed, it just gets worse, and worse.

Your heart starts racing, your feet start tapping, your fingers start twitching.

Pure panic has set in, and this was exactly how I felt all day today.

I couldn't think of a reason as to why this panic set in, but it was there; and it wasn't going anywhere.

All day really I was deep-breathing. Deep breath in, deep breath out. My mom was going crazy, "STOP SIGHING SO MUCH".

Every so often the panic would amplify and I'd start pacing around the house to try to settle my nerves. But it didn't really help...

Ughhhh I hate anxiety. I hate being afraid of absolutely nothing. It's so fucking annoying! Especially because I'm not even conscious of the reason behind it all!

- Mint.