But as soon as I finished the peach my mom and grannie came home from town and were so excited to show me what they had picked up from the bakery.
My mom knows I'm a foodie, she knows I love to try new things, and she knows I know the difference between really good food, and crap.
However, she doesn't seem to understand what goes on in my head. I swear I have, in total, 3 different minds in my brain.
There's the one that loves food, and doesn't care about calories or fat. This one allows me to enjoy the glory of food. However, sometimes this brain forces me to eat and eat until I feel in my stomach, what I feel in my heart... hurt.
There's the one that whispers devilish thoughts about how disgusting I look, or how big I am. This one promises to give me control and beauty for the trade of being empty and alone.
And lastly, there's the one that doesn't know who to listen to. The innocent one that just wants what's best for me, Mint.
It's sort of like the angel and the devil on my shoulder scenario but different too. Both are devils, both are angels. And sometimes I don't have a choice, sometimes they just take over.
The innocence wants to listen to the delicate fairy who will give me bones, but she's quiet and dainty. She only whispers, so It's hard to start listening to her again after listening to the big fat monster that yells at me most of the time like a big Italian mama. And when someone is yelling at you, you usually just do what they say to shut them up.
That's my problem.
It's also like fantasy and reality too. The fairy is magic and lives in a wonderful world of purity. Whereas the monster is reality and forces dirt and disgrace upon me.
My mom doesn't understand, I barely understand...
ANYWAY, long story short. She brought me a lovely cinnamon bun and a mini loaf of braided bread (about the size of a 6-inch sub). My mom thought I'd think the braided bread was cool and 'fun to rip apart' lol.
I love my mom but I wish she didn't make me feel so guilty for saying no... I shared the cinnamon bun with her, and had to eat the bread myself because she bought me my own loaf.
now i feel sick, now i feel guilty, now i feel FAT.
I'm not eating anything else today, and that's that.
It's raining, but I'm going for a walk anyway, maybe I'll feel refreshed after haha
Hope it's sunnier for you guys!
♥, Mint.
My mum does the same thing to me. The part she knows is that I love to cook, and try new restaurants and foods. I feel so horrible saying no, so I end up having to eat what she gets me =(
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