I quit IGA last night. I told my boss that I got offered a job as a line cook in a place that will pay for my red seal. I told her normally I wouldn't just leave a job empty handed like this, but it was an offer in the right direction for me, and I had to bounce.
It was all a lie of course. I haven't heard back from that job yet, I probably won't. I just didn't want her to hate me though… evennnnnn though she totally did.
WHATEVZ, I just had to. And you wanna know why? Let me tell you WHY.
By working there, I'm selling my soul. And do you know what I realized about a soul? It's all you've got.
Honestly, just think about it. Your soul is your everything. It means more than your body, than your experiences. It's the only thing you come to this life with; the only thing you take when you pass.
Your soul is the only thing in this whole goddamn world that's real. It's not your personality (which can be altered and influenced and burned and moulded), it's your fucking core.
For example, that whole "lion heart" thing I always rant about. That's my soul, that's what it is. I may have days of isolation, and total darkness, but the fact of the matter is that no matter how hidden my soul becomes, that's my main being. It's your life existence. Does this make sense?
I feel life is all about allowing your soul to breathe. Don't let it sit in a corner to rot, life is about getting through the obstacles of having a body and of society and pressures and everything to express your soul. The point of life is being.
Does this actually make sense though?
Anyway, the point being is that, if you feel that you're selling your soul at any point of your life, you've gotta get out. Fast. Selling the only thing you have in this fucked up place is suicide. And whatever you're selling it for, is not worth it.
I want you guys to know this, because I feel like it's important. And work isn't the only place where a soul can be sold; ohhhhhh no.
Relationships, FRIENDships, family, school, within yourself. You can divide it into crystal-like pieces, and pass around your everything, in hopes of getting back something better. But trust me, there's nothing better. You will end up dead and completely hollow inside.
So my advice to anyone who feels like they're emptying themselves, is to just get. out.
Don't run though, stand firm, walk firm, remember to breathe. If you're running, you're fleeting, which will lead you to self-destruction. Trust me, I started running last week, fucking bought a hamster, fucking returned that shit, fucking did this, fucking did that. If you're running, it'll feel like your mind is a tornado, your insides will feel chaotic; you won't stand still. If you feel like that, you're definitely running.
Getting out, you have to be firm with your decision here. You have to know, within yourself, that this is the right decision. You know it's what's best for you, and you know that whatever you're buying with your pieces is worth shit all. If you can't accept this, you fucking need to bro, sorry but just, open your goddamn eyes and realize that this is your life, not anyone else's. What's the point in pleasing other people if you're miserable for all of eternity? It's not selfish to live for yourself, and anyone who says otherwise is just fucking pathetic. I can't stress this enough, you need to live for yourself. You neeeeeeeed to! You're all that you have! You're all that matters!
That's why you absolutely must NOT sell yourself. Get out, and live for better things, because there are better things out there. Ask yourself where you want to be, what you want to spend your time doing. If you don't like where you are, fucking moveeeeee. There's not enough time to linger, I swear to god. Don't let opportunities pass you by because you were nervous or doing something else, or fucking had your eyes closed.
Be alert, know what's good for you, know what's not. Test the waters, get out when you're not happy. Yeah sometimes it's scary dropping these things, you know, walking away, but think about it, really think about it. Is what you're doing worth you're entire entity. It never is.
Sorry, sorry for this rant. But I needed to say it. I needed to get it out. Fuck, one would think I'm drunk right now (I get madddd philosophical when I'm drunk, it's so embarrassing).
DRUNK OFF LIFE. lmao nah I'm totally kidding, fucking sick as hell right now, wouldn't mind being off'd just to free myself from this cold.
- Mint.
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