Howling ghosts – they reappear, in mountains that are stacked with fear. But you're a king and I'm a lionheart.

So last week I was at the grocery store with my mom, you know, buyin' groceries. When I went to get the tofu I normally buy for my "meal of the day".

How I always remembered it was, 100 calories for 1/4 of the package. But, when I checked the package, I saw that it's actually 160 calories for 1/4 of the package.

So, instead of having 130 calories per meal, I've (unknowingly) been having 190.

That freaked me out a lot. Stupid eyes, reading the fucking numbers wrong...

So even though I bought the pack, I've been avoiding eating tofu for the past week and instead have been eating higher carb foods like salad or blueberries for my meal.

Today however, I decided that I need to start eating the tofu again because of the whole, high-protein/low-carb thing, and because it'll go bad!

But holy fuck, I'm so full. I can barely move. I'm chugging water like crazy because I'm afraid I'll bloat or gain water weight or suddenly transform into a troll or something else that's totally rational and not in my head at all.

So yes, I'm definitely at the part of my restriction where feeling full makes me feel so incredibly uncomfortable and like the hugest whale alive. I just want to get rid of everything so bad.

That being said, I'm going to start only having an 1/8 of the total package of tofu per day which will make my total intake for the day 110. Which is much better.

I'm going to the city with a couple friends on Friday and was just debating whether or not I should fast tomorrow. I haven't done a proper fast in forever it seems.

I was thinking about fasting because my one friend, Pumpkin, knows all about everything just like B; except Pumpkin is on my fucking case all the god damn day.

"Have you eaten yet today?" "What are you going to eat?" "You have to get something because I'm getting something" "You better eat all of that" "THAT PIECE TOO"

It's sweet and everything but it's like FUCKING BACK UP PUM'KIN. By bringing it up all the time it makes it worse. If I want a grilled cheese, I'll get a grilled cheese. But if you fucking tell me to get a grilled cheese, that's the last thing I'll even think of eating.

So yeah, I'll fast tomorrow, and then on Friday I'll have an energy drink for lunch, salad for dinner, and alcohollllllllll (I'm only allowed two drinks apparently because of what happened last time I went out, but rules are made to be brokennn).

And also because I'm probably going out with B and Pumpkin on Sunday, I'll try to avoid eating with my friends on Saturday when we're coming back from the city. But if I'm forced to eat, I'll just skip my normal dinner.

Starshine: Thank you so much for your lovely words on my post last week. I really needed it, and really appreciated it. It's hard to allow myself to cry now because it's been far too long since crying was okay, and I think that's why I started self harm in the first place; as a release, you know? It's always comforting to know that I have you to understand all of this. I wish you were closer so that we could rant together though! It'd be so nice hanging out and being there for each other at a moment's notice! Love youuuu ♥♥

- Mint.