If I could kill her I think I would.

worthless pathetic scum

It's ironic that the only reason I do anything in life is because of my mom, but at the same time she makes me want to end my life so badly.

I actually think she's better at making me hate myself than I am... must be a gift.

I think it's really selfish of me to say that I wish she didn't care about me, or help me. But she's steering me into a direction I don't want to be in.

If she was dead I'd drop out of university, work at a dead-end job, own no furniture, and just wait for my life to end if I didn't end it manually.

She's forcing me into uni, because if I don't I'm a failure like my brother, if I don't there will be no one to support her when she's older, because if I don't, I'm pathetic.

She's forcing me into living in the condo she bought, which I really don't need the responsibility of. I just want to rent a room in some old couple's house for $400/month and just get through the upcoming year. I do not want to live with a roommate and spend $600/month and have the responsibility of paying all the bills.

Whenever she randomly gets mad at me like she did just now I end up feeling sooooo bad about myself. I want to cut really bad but can't because she's in the next room and I'd need to get band-aids. I want to cut so deep that band-aids won't help. And most of all, her yelling at me makes me feel like a greedy pig for eating 130 calories today.

I hate myself so much.

- Mint.