I fucking hate myself.

Soooo, I ate.

I ate an apple.

I ate some cabbage.

I ate another apple.

I fucking made a pumpkin pie, and ate it.

What the fuck?

Every time one little thing goes wrong, I turn to food.

I couldn't focus on my schooling today, so I went to go for a drive to try to clear my thoughts. Not even halfway down the block, my car starts making sounds.

Fucking great. I've had this car for a month and already three things have gone wrong with it.

I immediately went back home, parked the car, and looked around. Nothing. Soo, I guess I'll talk to my mom about it tonight.

But as I went inside I was thinking, "Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck." Buying a car was a bad decision. A $3,000 bad decision.

Now I'm more broke than before, I have to keep this crappy job during school so that I can pay for it, and for what? This car is causing more trouble than it's worth.

And as soon as one negative thought pops into my head, the whole choir joins it.

"You're sooo behind on your studies."
"Where are you going to go next year for university anyway? You can't talk to people."
"You've got everything you asked for this year and you're still going downhill, fast. And if you do make it through this year, you definitely won't be able to make the next."
"Souviens-tu ton français?"
"Learning French is pointless."
"Going to school is pointless."
"Working, pointless."
"Life... is pointless, Mint."

And then my instinct at that moment, "EAT. EAT, EAT, EAT! Avoid the thoughts! Avoid the stress! Food is your friend! EATTTTT."

Which is why I ate...

I'm so pathetic. I'm sorry. Pathetic mind, pathetic body.

And I'm sorry that my blogs are so long and pointless, and unorganized, and have no real flow. It annoys me too, don't worry.

Ugh.

I guess this means I'm following through with my original plan. No more eating until Saturday.

- Mint.