Think Think Think Think

All I do now a days is think.

I've never been much of a thinker, so this is really odd to me.

I think about food a lot, about the past, the future sometimes, school, friends, different places, different mes; I think about music, how I feel when I hear it; I think about art, how when I see something truly beautiful, how it feels like something's bubbling inside me.

I think about recipes, how to make them vegan, how to make them taste actually good. I think about words, cursive words, how I can't write them properly.

I think about tea, which teas are good, how I like them because a good cup of tea gives me a much needed hug. I like tea; and I can't wait for winter, it'll be so much better then.

I've been thinking that to be truly successful I should be someone else, not me. I'm not successful, the me that sits here writing this anyway. There is a successful Mint, but I don't know where she is.

The me I need right now is someone who doesn't sulk. I need a me who will keep her head up, get so focussed with what she's doing, that she forgets about how food makes her feel.

You know? I need to forget about food to be able to be successful with food.

I've turned into a comfort eater, and I hate it. I hate it so fucking much. And the fact that I can cook makes it worse. Being vegan doesn't stop me from making bad food. I'm clever, I can make anything from nothing.

I need to focus. Not sulk.

This is hard, it really is.

I wish I wasn't me, omg I really do.

I wish I had purpose in my life, some sort of goal, a passion that I really cared about. I wish I wasn't so hard on myself because then I just end up doing nothing.

I wish I could run away from this place, start a new with a different brain.

Ugh, life.

♥,

Mint.