I just wanted to say sorry for yesterday, and thank you so much to Starshine and Kate for being there for me ^.^ your internet hugs are greatly appreciated.
I would never attempt suicide no matter how low I feel because I have a mom, and I'm her everything. I don't want her blood on my dead conscious. I understand that a big factor in life is living, but sometimes it's just so hard. I know that all of you understand where I'm coming from, probably more than I do.
Right at this moment (I say this moment because my opinion on everything changes quite completely and frequently), I feel like I'm searching for the key to unlocking the secret of life. The secret to positivity, or happiness.
Every quote I read, every painting I see, or song I hear, there's got to be more. I know there are layers to everything, but I can't make out what they are, everything's blurry. I'm floating on top of sea full of answers, I know it, but I just can't submerge myself into the meaning.
I think this is why French is frustrating me so much right now. Because it's exactly the same. You know how in a different language there are words which mean the same as our words, but not quite? The translations we create to understand are just that, translations, not the actual meaning. That's why quotes and books should stay in their native tongue, because as soon as you translate it, the depth of the meaning is lost.
Literature and music and paintings, it's all art, it all means something. And deep inside I can feel what it means. But my mind won't translate it. It's like when there's a word on the tip of your tongue, but you can't quite get it; so frustrating.
I know I'm rambling about nothing but if you've read this far into my words, please hear me out:
The title of Robert Frost's famous poem, "Nothing Gold Can Stay" I'm sure everyone knows this poem from the book, The Outsiders. I know what it means, I can feel the depth, but to try to explain it to myself to the depth that it deserves, I just can't!
Or this piece of music, or this one, or this one.
Or Coeur de Pirate's lyrics, "Et nos coeurs, nos coeurs, sont restés, dans cette mer."
Or this poem by Ezra Pound that we studied in poetry:
"The apparition of these faces in the crowd:
Or even Vincent van Gough's Starry Night, or his self-portrait (that needs to be seen in person to give it justice).Petals, on a wet, black bough."
What are the words to describe the meaning of all this? OF LIFE? I want to be able to share with everyone what everything is, I want to speak this beauty in my own words.
Oh my god I'm just so frustrated right now. I'm lost in translation, that's what it is. Please, someone let me speak art, piano, literature, French.
I'm an artist, who can't pick up a brush.
Help me have an epiphany.
♥,
Mint.
There is nothing to be sorry about.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should pick up a brush. If you cant paint what you see, paint what you don't see and do abstract. Everyone who feels can do art. It might help you as much as it helps me xxx
Persephone Paix sent me.
ReplyDeleteLanguages are indeed a frustrating thing to learn. YOU CAN DO IT though. Don't give up.
Watch movies, TV shows, listen to music and radio in French. Associate a word with a concept instead of direct translation in your mind. It will all come together with practise.
Do what you love to do. Sit and think about everything and nothing for a while. Epiphanies tend to ambush you from behind when you're looking hard in the other direction, thinking about something kindasorta related to them. (At least mine do)
Stay awesome, ok?