Ugh.

Sooo, my brother got engaged last night.

I found out on Facebook.

They haven't even known each other for a year.

Why does my family keep doing this to me? Last year it was my dad, this year my brother.

I want to just run away, far, far, away.

I feel the shadows surrounding me, about to swallow me whole.

Work sucks, I get shit on all the time, have to do everyone else's work, and get no credit. I was going to get transferred to the bakery and work there as a cake decorator but they offered the job to this pregnant lady who's the wife of the meat department manager. If she said no, I was going to get it. I was so excited, but she said yes.

Schools sucks because I'm behind as hell since some of my days are completely taken over by work. I'm mostly behind in French.

My mind won't absorb the words, it sees no point. When am I ever going to use French? I'm never going to go anywhere in my life, so why learn it?

Fuck.

I was going to fast today (my work pants were no looser yesterday than the last day I worked) but there's an apple in my hand right now, and it's half gone.

Maybe Sunday I'll fast, I don't know. But as long as I stick to this vegan thing, I'm kinda happy. I've wanted to be vegan for a long time. I'm scared though that my mom will break me. She doesn't know that I'm vegan because she thinks that I'm unhealthy when it comes to food (LOL) and so if I become a vegan I'll just be "starving and thinking about food all the time" (LOL). So I have three options:

1. When she makes something non-vegan I tell her I'm a vegan and let her be pissed off at me forever and constantly have her bring it up.
2. Eat it, feel like shit, and break my record of consecutive days straight being vegan.
3. Avoid it, and throw out her love.

The last one seems easy but it's not. We're together a lot and Christmas is the worst; so much food everywhere. And when we cook together, of course you're going to try the end result, am I right? Ugh stress, stress, stress. I'm not even losing weight, so everything seems so pointless...

I should probably start my school work for the day... I'm already two hours behind because I slept in because I couldn't sleep last night because I was thinking and crying.

I haven't cried in awhile, it's nice. I hate feeling numb all the time, it's terrible.

♥,

Mint.