My head is slowly being taken overrrr

It's odd how I can feel the change.

The change where I'm not longer in control of my thoughts.

My evil smirks are back; the words "fat fucking whore" replaying over, and over in my mind; the need to keep this feeling of emptiness.

It's all coming back, in one enormous wave.

Earlier this afternoon I decided that this week I wouldn't fast, I'd eat only apples and bananas while my mom was gone because I didn't want them to go bad (we have a lot right now) but then I was just looking at some thinspo on tumblr when all of a sudden I decided that, no. I'm not eating tomorrow like originally planned, and the apples I was planning on eating later this week will be given to a friend.

I'll eat on Saturday.

Until then all I need is tea and gum and puréed vegetable soup (limited of course).

Ah, it feels good, so so goooood. My stomach growling feels like it's waking up from a good night's rest. Stretching, and groaning.

I want to hold this feeling, and slowly make my way back down, down, down.

Everything's becoming distorted again. Up is down and down is up. The thoughts are back, taking control. I feel it, the change.

Do you know what I mean?  The feeling of plummeting back into Wonderland? The feeling of an escape.

I can breathe now.

I feel good. Oh so terribly good.

♥♥♥